Confessions of a missionary

  I've been thinking. How often is it that you hear a missionary admit that they're scared? I don't think I've ever heard a missionary that is preparing to leave really be open and honest about how difficult it gets. So I'm gonna go for it and let you know that it gets rough. I think it would have really helped me to know that I'm not the only missionary who struggles like this. It would have been nice to find a blog full of confessions. Haha! So here goes. The confessions of a future missionary...
   Satan is going to do anything to get you not to go on your mission. Literally anything. You think you've been tempted before, but I promise you once you make it your goal to go on a mission he cranks it up. It might start to get rough when you turn your papers in, when you get ready to go through the temple, when you get your call, or right before you go in the MTC. I think it's different for every person. For me it didn't start until the week and a half left mark. Then I started to fall apart. Satan. Evil man. He's good at what he does. 
  I'm sure that Satan works on everyone differently. He knows us. We are all different. He knows the things that will crush me, and they might be things that other people could easily handle. He is good. So good. But the Lord is better. Things are going to get ridiculously difficult. Satan is going to play some major mind games with you. There are times when I don't know where half the thoughts inside my head even come from. There are other times when quite honestly I don't even know who I am. I don't know what I stand for or what is even happening really. That might not make a lot of sense, but it happens. My head legit feels like it has been beaten and everything just becomes kind of hazy. There are others times when I just don't feel worthy. Am I sure a mission is even the right thing for me? Or am I just wasting everyone's time and so much money? Then there are days where you just don't feel like leaving everything you know and love behind for eighteen months. Or Satan will use those around you and cause you so much personal emotional pain it is insane. He does all of these things and so much more. Sometimes you're going to be terrified and so afraid that you aren't going to be good at this whole missionary thing.
  When these thoughts and more occur I advise you to remember
You're on the winning side. With the help of the Savior there is nothing you can't get through. It's ok to admit that it's hard, but by no means is it impossible. You can get through it, just know you aren't alone. I also advise that you don't spend a lot of time alone or not doing anything. An active and busy mind will help distract you from the seeds of doubt that Satan plants in your head. I also advise you to constantly think about the reasons you're going on a mission. And to always have a prayer in your heart that the spirit will be with you to keep you strong. If you remember these things it gets easier. 
  If you start to feel these things or feel discouraged don't be embarrassed, don't be ashamed. It's normal. You are about to serve the Lord and spread his gospel of course Satan is going to want you to fail. It isn't supposed to be easy, but I know it will be worth it. 

That time

http://www.missionsite.net/sistercassidydavie/main

Down with Satan!

  Five days! That's all I have left! And let me tell you, Satan is bringing the heat! That is a lot of exclamation marks but it is that serious. Satan. is. a. booger. Some days there is nothing I want more than to beat him with a stick. That's a lie, I want to beat him with a stick everyday!! 
  Satan's job and purpose is to destroy this gospel. That's what he does. He is doing everything to thwart the gospel. Not only is he trying to mess with the whole Church he is going to mess with you. He is going to push you and tempt you. And he isn't going to go away. The stronger you get, the closer to the Savior, the closer to your mission the harder he will push. You can't forget that he knows you. He knows what makes you tick and all the things that will get to you. Just because he knows doesn't mean he gets to win. Fight. Pray. At the time whatever you're going through is going to hurt. It's going to be hard. But you can't ever give up. Don't let the adversary win. We are on the right side, the winning side, we just need to remember to fight. I have honestly never been pushed and tempted so much in my life. There are days where I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Sometimes I don't know who I am. I can't tell which thoughts are mine or which are Satan's. And I know it isn't going to get easier. But I can get stronger. Satan isn't going to give up, but that's ok because neither am I, and neither are you. Satan is going to do all that he can to stop you from sharing the gospel with others. He may help you get injured, he may play crazy mind games, he might even use those around you to get to you, play mind games with you, and make you feel like you aren't good enough. You just need to remember to have faith. Faith that if you do your part and pray for strength it will all work out. It sucks right now, a lot. Right now Satan has won the battle, but I will win the war. He has found another way to get to me, he always will, but in the end I will be the winner. 

Talks

Sometimes while trying to right my farewell talk I find great talks. They don't relate to my topic, but they're just so great I wanted to share it with the world! 
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/finding-joy-in-the-journey?lang=eng

Missions...huzzah!

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765623191/LDS-Church-announces-creation-of-58-new-missions.html?pg=2

Temple, love it

  I have now officially participated or watched all of the ordinances that take place in the temple. So cool! And I can honestly say that they are all fantastic and so powerful. The sealing ordinance is something else. When I was eight I was blessed with the opportunity to be sealed to my family. Sadly, I don't really remember what happened. I mean I was only eight, I do remember making Cade cry though, haha! But this last Friday I was blessed with the wonderful opportunity to see one of my very best friends get sealed in the temple. It truly was so great! Just the feeling of the whole ceremony was fantastic. It was such a strong sweet spirit. And I will never forget hearing the words time and all eternity, not death do we part. The happiness on Nat's face truly was something else. The look on her face as she looked into the mirrors with her husband was so sweet. As I was sitting in the sealing room I pondered things. I pondered the place I'm at in my life. I am no where near getting married! Even if all of Nat's family thought I was already married, it is not something that I am ready for. But that doesn't mean what happened in that room at the top of the Rexburg, Temple didn't apply to me. 
  Marriage may not be something in my near future, but a mission is. I am going to be teaching and inviting people to come unto Christ. My main goal and dream with that is to get the people I teach to a place where they can be sealed in the temple. Imagine living your whole life not knowing what comes next, then one day two crazy kids show up at your door with the Book of Mormon. And if you accept it your whole world will change. I love Natalie. Love her. It was such a great feeling watching her be sealed to the man she loved. I can only imagine the happiness I would feel watching someone new to the gospel making those same covenants. I mean that is what missionary work is all about, isn't it? Helping others come to know our Savior and finding a way back to him? The only way back is through the temple. The covenants that you make in that building is what paves the way. I am so thankful for the path I'm on and grateful for the opportunities awaiting me in the future. 

First World Problems

    First world problems. Yup. I have them. And the only to deal with them is to acknowledge them and yes...blog it out. My current first world problem is that people don't really like me. Yes. This is a current theme through out my life and I have a feeling that it will be something I have to deal with on my mission. But if you really think about it, it is for sure a first world problem. There are so many problems I could be dealing with that are so much worse. I have friends, I'm healthy, I have a loving family, and I'm not hurting for money. As much as at times this problem of mine can really get me down I have come to realize something. People may not like me and at times I may think they dislike me for no reason, but who was the most hated person of all time? Who was hated for absolutely no reason? The Savior. And how great of a man was he? He did nothing with his life but give it to others. He literally gave up his life so that the very people that hated him could have a chance at forgiveness. If he can do all that. If he can live for those who scorned and mocked him and beg for their forgiveness then I can live with whatever problem gets through at me. People may not like me. So what. They may talk about me, but no one is trying to take my life. If the Savior  can do it, I can do it. And I will do it. I will do it for Him so that one day I can live with Him again.