I have a second deep thought of the night, which I was going to include with my first one, but it got a little long. Also I thought I would include a disclaimer letting everyone know I have been cleaning for two days and have excess energy. So in other words I am ridiculously hyper and having serious thoughts at the same time...not a good combination. Anyway I might as well get to my deep thought. This is a really deep one, might even make you feel...cough cough Sam. Anyway onward ho!
My second deep thought is all about friends. (I kind of hate myself for saying it like that. I sound like a two year old who loves pink tutus...) I have been thinking about the friends that I have quite a bit lately, mainly because most of them are far far away. They are either on missions, still in college, or live in the distant land of Utah. There are of course a few exceptions. But upon my reflections I have realized a few things. And just a heads up some of them are pretty deep. (Not gonna lie I am getting pretty wise in my old age...)
The first thing I have realized is that there are different kinds of friends. There are the kinds of friends that you make in class so you don't have to sit all alone. The friends you make in lab so you always have partner that doesn't smell funny or wink at you too much. There are the friends you made when you were three or in my case when I moved to Rigby. These friends are great. You need people you've know your whole life. People who have helped you through puberty and the awkwardness that is Junior High. But occasionally as sad as it is, these kinds of friends fade away. You chose different paths and find that although your paths may cross there is less to talk about. And the friendship becomes more of a memory than a current thing. There are also the kinds of friends that don't stay forever, occasionally it doesn't end well. There are also what I have come to call superficial friends. You really like these people and enjoy spending time with them and doing crazy activities, but they don't really know you. You don't tell them what's going on in life and you don't ask.
While there are so many different kinds of friends I have realized that it is necessary in life to have them. You need all those different kinds. You need the friends that need you more than you need them and heaven knows you need a friend in class to cover for you when you miss the notes. All of these kinds of friends shape and make you who you are. And hopefully you help to shape them. You even need the friends that don't stay. The friendships may be gone, but the memories will always be there. I think it's better to concentrate on those memories than on the fact that the friendship fell apart. There is something to be learned from all of your friends. Even if they are far away in a foreign country only communicating with you through letters. You might not be as close as you once were, but there was a time when they meant the world to you and helped you through a lot. Instead of focusing on the negative we instead need to simply remember the good times and let ourselves smile about it.
Last but not least there is one more group of friends that I have yet to talk about. I think this is the most important group to have. These are the kinds of friends that you can talk to. And I mean really talk to. You can tell them your random deep thoughts and the problems in your life and not feel weird about it. You can sit up late into the night talking about the gospel and take turns sharing devotionals. I didn't realize until recently that it takes a special kind of friend to do those things. Especially when you can go from one minute of being deep and spiritual to harassing each other. There was a time when I didn't believe these kinds of friends were necessary. In my deep thinking time I have realized that they are. You need an outlet. A way to share your fears or troubles without totally losing it. That's what these friends are for. Most importantly you need a friend who can look you in eye and tell you to shape up. To push you work harder, try your best, and be the best person you can be. You need a couple people who can tell what your really thinking and get you to talk about it. Friends who don't take no for an answer and make you share what's really going on.
I have gone for quite sometime without friends like the last group I described. Not because of anyone else, but me. I have never felt comfortable enough to share those kind of things. And then all of the sudden I tried and I realized that you need it. Friends are a necessary thing. I know that the friends I have now, the ones that I'm talking about aren't always going to be there. We are all starting to take our own little journeys and some of them will lead us far away. But there is one last difference in this type of friend. Even years after being apart you can see them and you can start a conversation with them. It might start out awkward, but all it takes is one laugh one memory to make it feel like things never changed. These are the kinds of friends you stay in contact with and look for in the eternities. These are the friends that help when you're at your lowest. These are the friends that have truly touched you inside and changed the path you were on for the better. These are the friends that helped prepare me for my mission and helped me be the person I am. These are the kinds of friends I am most thankful for.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Deep Thoughts
Sometimes I have too much time on my hands and start to think deeply...never a good thing, ever. Also I blog too much and typically what I'm saying doesn't make sense. Oh well, when in doubt blog it out. I don't really understand why I blog. What even is blogging? No idea. All I know is that it helps me to understand the jumbled thoughts that make up my mind. So onward to the randomness that is today.
First matter of business would concern a little twelve year old blonde who so happens to be my brother, Kyle. He is a pretty awesome little brother I must say, but I have realized that I have been taking him for granted. Since being home I have noticed that most of the time I am getting mad at him. Mad at him for singing some random song at the top of his lungs, for stealing my stuff, or other small things. I also have noticed that I ignore him. He wants to play a game or go sledding and I always have something better to do. And then I also noticed that he is twelve years old and in eighteen months when I come home he will be fourteen. I won't get those two years back. He isn't going to want to color with me or build forts out of coach cushions when I get home. I need to stop being such a punk and be a better big sister. Cade is at an age where it doesn't really matter to him if I am here or not, but it matters to Kyle. He needs someone to do crazy things with him and there is no better person than me to get the job done. I also noticed that by reaching out and doing things with him, I'm happier. I may not get the best nights sleep in a Lion King tent in the living room, but I do have memories that are priceless. Families may be forever and I am so grateful for that, but Kyle isn't going to be twelve forever. I'm not going to be twenty forever...(so old!). I may come home from my mission, but things are just going to continue to change after that. I will go right back to school and hopefully get married in a proper amount of time from my return from Georgia, but no matter what happens the life I am living now isn't going to come back. I need to live every day like it's my last because it is. Not my last day to live, but my last chance with the opportunities of that day. Each day brings me closer to leaving and closer to a chapter of my life ending a chapter that I can go back and read, but not re-live. I need to remember that and take more time to color and have snowball fights, I need to be the sister Kyle deserves.
First matter of business would concern a little twelve year old blonde who so happens to be my brother, Kyle. He is a pretty awesome little brother I must say, but I have realized that I have been taking him for granted. Since being home I have noticed that most of the time I am getting mad at him. Mad at him for singing some random song at the top of his lungs, for stealing my stuff, or other small things. I also have noticed that I ignore him. He wants to play a game or go sledding and I always have something better to do. And then I also noticed that he is twelve years old and in eighteen months when I come home he will be fourteen. I won't get those two years back. He isn't going to want to color with me or build forts out of coach cushions when I get home. I need to stop being such a punk and be a better big sister. Cade is at an age where it doesn't really matter to him if I am here or not, but it matters to Kyle. He needs someone to do crazy things with him and there is no better person than me to get the job done. I also noticed that by reaching out and doing things with him, I'm happier. I may not get the best nights sleep in a Lion King tent in the living room, but I do have memories that are priceless. Families may be forever and I am so grateful for that, but Kyle isn't going to be twelve forever. I'm not going to be twenty forever...(so old!). I may come home from my mission, but things are just going to continue to change after that. I will go right back to school and hopefully get married in a proper amount of time from my return from Georgia, but no matter what happens the life I am living now isn't going to come back. I need to live every day like it's my last because it is. Not my last day to live, but my last chance with the opportunities of that day. Each day brings me closer to leaving and closer to a chapter of my life ending a chapter that I can go back and read, but not re-live. I need to remember that and take more time to color and have snowball fights, I need to be the sister Kyle deserves.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
It's Not About You.
Merry Christmas everyone! It really is a great holiday and a great time of year. There isn't anything like being home for the holidays and being close to your family. I am so blessed to be able to be home with my family for the holidays. Something that I've been taking for granted lately. Today while feeling the Christmas spirit and sitting back and taking in just how great my family is I have realized a lot.
This whole mission is not about me. I have always known that to some degree. I knew that it wasn't about my happiness or where I wanted to go, but that it is all about the Savior. It is about spreading His work and His gospel. But I have realized today that that's not it. This isn't just going to affect me, my decision to go. It isn't just going to be hard for me. I think I often sit back and think of how hard it is on me without thinking about those around me. I often think oh I will miss this and I miss my friends, but what about my family?
This is going to be hard for them too. Satan isn't just pushing me and trying to pull me down he is working on them as well. I'm not just going to miss my brothers games they will miss me being there. I know I'm not dying, but it will be hard not to have me home for the holidays and just for random weekends.
It is time for me to realize that this isn't just my burden or my journey. This affects the people I love too. It is time for me to stop being selfish and sulking because I miss school and the crazy things we did. I can miss school, but I need to show my family that I care. I need to cherish this time I have home with them because really it will never be like this again. It is time to stop focusing on the negatives of being stuck in a small town and focus on all of my blessings and the wonderful family that I have. They love me and I love them so much, now I need to show it.
I also need to be more sensitive to them. Sometimes when they make a comment about me leaving I don't react the best. I just think that I'm not dying so I don't understand why it is a big deal. The thing is, is that it kind of is. I have a very tight family, we do everything together. Even when at school I talked to my parents every day. And now all of the sudden that isn't going to happen anymore. I may not be dying, but it is time to be more sensitive to their needs.
I have also realized lately that it might not be a bad thing to feel. I hate feelings I hate them. Even more than feelings I hate expressing them or showing others that I have them. I think this is something that I should work on. Maybe not all the time I'm not saying I need to turn into a cry baby or anything. But I have noticed that if you show someone you care or are moved even if that means shedding a couple tears they are grateful. They don't make fun of you and if they do they don't really matter. But I know that by refusing to feel it hurts people sometimes and that isn't what I want. Sometimes when words can't express how you feel nothing gets your message across better than emotions or the look on your face. Maybe it's time to let these walls down and let people know how much they matter.
This whole mission is not about me. I have always known that to some degree. I knew that it wasn't about my happiness or where I wanted to go, but that it is all about the Savior. It is about spreading His work and His gospel. But I have realized today that that's not it. This isn't just going to affect me, my decision to go. It isn't just going to be hard for me. I think I often sit back and think of how hard it is on me without thinking about those around me. I often think oh I will miss this and I miss my friends, but what about my family?
This is going to be hard for them too. Satan isn't just pushing me and trying to pull me down he is working on them as well. I'm not just going to miss my brothers games they will miss me being there. I know I'm not dying, but it will be hard not to have me home for the holidays and just for random weekends.
It is time for me to realize that this isn't just my burden or my journey. This affects the people I love too. It is time for me to stop being selfish and sulking because I miss school and the crazy things we did. I can miss school, but I need to show my family that I care. I need to cherish this time I have home with them because really it will never be like this again. It is time to stop focusing on the negatives of being stuck in a small town and focus on all of my blessings and the wonderful family that I have. They love me and I love them so much, now I need to show it.
I also need to be more sensitive to them. Sometimes when they make a comment about me leaving I don't react the best. I just think that I'm not dying so I don't understand why it is a big deal. The thing is, is that it kind of is. I have a very tight family, we do everything together. Even when at school I talked to my parents every day. And now all of the sudden that isn't going to happen anymore. I may not be dying, but it is time to be more sensitive to their needs.
I have also realized lately that it might not be a bad thing to feel. I hate feelings I hate them. Even more than feelings I hate expressing them or showing others that I have them. I think this is something that I should work on. Maybe not all the time I'm not saying I need to turn into a cry baby or anything. But I have noticed that if you show someone you care or are moved even if that means shedding a couple tears they are grateful. They don't make fun of you and if they do they don't really matter. But I know that by refusing to feel it hurts people sometimes and that isn't what I want. Sometimes when words can't express how you feel nothing gets your message across better than emotions or the look on your face. Maybe it's time to let these walls down and let people know how much they matter.
Monday, December 24, 2012
The Nephite Warriors
I just like this story...
Brother Samuel Roskelley, recorder of the Logan temple, relates that in early days the United States Marshals were making lots of trouble for the Mormons, and were conducting "polygamy raids" to pick up the men who had more than one wife.
Two deputy marshals arrived at the temple door one day to find it locked so they could not gain entrance. Brother Roskelley went out to talk to them. They were told that there were no records available to show them. Brother Roskelley told them good bye and locked the door. The lawmen knew that polygamous marriages were being performed and did not like being denied access to the records. They immediately wired for help, and the next day the head United States Marshal for Utah, and a whole posse of deputies arrived. This time they demanded, in the name of the United States Government, that the records be given to them. They were again told that no records were available. The marshal then said: "We know you are doing polygamous marriages and that these records are available. We know you have them, and we are going to have them. We will burn the temple down or even destroy it entirely but what you comply with our request." The Recorder told them goodbye and locked the door on them again.
Brother Roskelley was very worried and spent the next eight or ten hours in constant prayer, asking the Lord to help him preserve the records, that no harm should come to him or to the people concerned, and that the temple records should not fall into the hands of the United States Marshals. He went out under cover of darkness to visit families in the Seventh Ward area. He was up well before daybreak the next morning, dressed in his oldest clothes, put a corn cob pipe in his mouth, and axe on his shoulder as if he were going to the canyon to work, and walked up the middle of the road whistling a happy tune. As he walked towards the temple and crossed a bridge, two men stepped out to stop him. He immediately struck a match to light his pipe, which had nothing in it, said "Good Morning" and walked on past the men. Evidently they supposed he was not a Mormon polygamist, but just a woodcutter going to the canyon.
When Broker Roskelley reached the front door of the temple, there stood two giant men dressed in complete armor with head dress, breast plate, spears and full regalia. They gave him a friendly nod as he passed, unlocked the door and entered the temple. As he neared his office, there stood two more large men dressed in full armor And as he went to the record vaults on the third floor, he came to two other huge men, both dressed in full armor.
As soon as he was sure the records were safe, he asked who they were. They told him: "We are Nephite Warriors, and we are here in answer to your prayers." They told him not to worry, that they would not allow the temple to be injured or the records to be destroyed in any way.
When Brother Roskelley related the incident to President Taylor, he was told that they were, indeed, Nephite soldiers, and that this was no the first time they had been assigned to protect the temple and its people.
Brother Samuel Roskelley, recorder of the Logan temple, relates that in early days the United States Marshals were making lots of trouble for the Mormons, and were conducting "polygamy raids" to pick up the men who had more than one wife.
Two deputy marshals arrived at the temple door one day to find it locked so they could not gain entrance. Brother Roskelley went out to talk to them. They were told that there were no records available to show them. Brother Roskelley told them good bye and locked the door. The lawmen knew that polygamous marriages were being performed and did not like being denied access to the records. They immediately wired for help, and the next day the head United States Marshal for Utah, and a whole posse of deputies arrived. This time they demanded, in the name of the United States Government, that the records be given to them. They were again told that no records were available. The marshal then said: "We know you are doing polygamous marriages and that these records are available. We know you have them, and we are going to have them. We will burn the temple down or even destroy it entirely but what you comply with our request." The Recorder told them goodbye and locked the door on them again.
Brother Roskelley was very worried and spent the next eight or ten hours in constant prayer, asking the Lord to help him preserve the records, that no harm should come to him or to the people concerned, and that the temple records should not fall into the hands of the United States Marshals. He went out under cover of darkness to visit families in the Seventh Ward area. He was up well before daybreak the next morning, dressed in his oldest clothes, put a corn cob pipe in his mouth, and axe on his shoulder as if he were going to the canyon to work, and walked up the middle of the road whistling a happy tune. As he walked towards the temple and crossed a bridge, two men stepped out to stop him. He immediately struck a match to light his pipe, which had nothing in it, said "Good Morning" and walked on past the men. Evidently they supposed he was not a Mormon polygamist, but just a woodcutter going to the canyon.
When Broker Roskelley reached the front door of the temple, there stood two giant men dressed in complete armor with head dress, breast plate, spears and full regalia. They gave him a friendly nod as he passed, unlocked the door and entered the temple. As he neared his office, there stood two more large men dressed in full armor And as he went to the record vaults on the third floor, he came to two other huge men, both dressed in full armor.
As soon as he was sure the records were safe, he asked who they were. They told him: "We are Nephite Warriors, and we are here in answer to your prayers." They told him not to worry, that they would not allow the temple to be injured or the records to be destroyed in any way.
When Brother Roskelley related the incident to President Taylor, he was told that they were, indeed, Nephite soldiers, and that this was no the first time they had been assigned to protect the temple and its people.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Endure to the End
Before getting my call I remember feeling so ready. I was taking mission prep, studying my scriptures, going to the Temple, and attended all of my meetings on Sunday. What could go wrong? How could I lose the spirit I had at that moment and how was Satan possibly going to get to me? There were moments when I swear I was on such a spiritual high that I thought I was untouchable. How silly of me. Even the strongest prophets and leaders of this Church were and are tempted by Satan. No matter how close to God I become he will never stop working on me. Actually the closer I get to my Savior the harder he will work. I sometimes forget that he is my brother. He knows me and he knows exactly how to get to me. It might not be the same way he gets to you or anyone else, but it works. He starts to creep in and make me doubt myself and the things I know. Never the gospel just myself.
The important thing to remember is he may tempt and pull at you, but we can fight back. By studying the scriptures and going to the Temple we are arming ourselves with the Spirit of God. Through that power he can fight Satan and overcome all that he throws at us. Heavenly Father is there he is just a prayer away. He is waiting for us to come to Him so He can help us through our trials. We must endure to the end. Whether on our mission, before our missions, or just in life. We need to stay close to Him and keep on fighting until it's our time to go home.
The important thing to remember is he may tempt and pull at you, but we can fight back. By studying the scriptures and going to the Temple we are arming ourselves with the Spirit of God. Through that power he can fight Satan and overcome all that he throws at us. Heavenly Father is there he is just a prayer away. He is waiting for us to come to Him so He can help us through our trials. We must endure to the end. Whether on our mission, before our missions, or just in life. We need to stay close to Him and keep on fighting until it's our time to go home.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Trust in Him
Have you ever had an experience where you sat back and thought what the heck? I have had many of those in my life. In fact I had one just a few days ago. I was feeling under the weather and was lucky enough to have worthy priesthood holding friends who could give me a blessing. I have had a blessing before many times in fact and for the most part what is said in my blessings tends to be similar. Not exactly the same, but similar. But what was said to me this time were things that I have never heard before or I didn't think that they really applied to my life at the time.
In my blessing it was said that I need to study the scriptures to find the answers to my problems. Which is a blessing of course! But I honestly couldn't think of any problems that I needed answers for. For the next little bit I was so confused. I didn't have any problems. Over time I forgot about it and it wasn't until today that I understood. Things are going to be a little difficult now that I'm moved home. Not because my family and I don't get along, but because the town and I don't get along. I also don't really enjoy sitting back and watching the way my family is treated. As I was pondering these problems today that part of my blessing came back to me. If I study the scriptures I will find answers to my problems. The Lord knew that I would need this guidance later and that the best time to give it to me was in my blessing. I may not have understood the counsel, but He knew better. He knows what we need even when we don't. It is up to us to trust in Him and His plan. One day everything that happens will make sense to us. And we will thank Him for it.
In my blessing it was said that I need to study the scriptures to find the answers to my problems. Which is a blessing of course! But I honestly couldn't think of any problems that I needed answers for. For the next little bit I was so confused. I didn't have any problems. Over time I forgot about it and it wasn't until today that I understood. Things are going to be a little difficult now that I'm moved home. Not because my family and I don't get along, but because the town and I don't get along. I also don't really enjoy sitting back and watching the way my family is treated. As I was pondering these problems today that part of my blessing came back to me. If I study the scriptures I will find answers to my problems. The Lord knew that I would need this guidance later and that the best time to give it to me was in my blessing. I may not have understood the counsel, but He knew better. He knows what we need even when we don't. It is up to us to trust in Him and His plan. One day everything that happens will make sense to us. And we will thank Him for it.
The End of a Chapter
There comes a time in your lives that you will leave the way of life that you have gotten used to. Whether it is when you move in grade school or graduating high school. The time will come and it will be hard. The happens when you're getting ready for your mission. Twice, actually. The first time is when you leave college. I'm going to be completely honest and say that it was not fun. It sucked to be perfectly honest. It is crazy how quickly you can get attached to someone. I have met some of the BEST people at Utah State and though I no longer go there I will never forget them.
As much as I was saddened by leaving Logan I know that because of this gospel I will be able to find those friends for eternity. Even if I don't see some of them again in this life I have eternity to do so. Because of this gospel and the Atonement which made the Plan of Salvation possible I can see them all again. No matter what happens in life or where the world may take us I know that in the end I will be able to find them again.
My mom told me once that in order to move on and take on the next adventure in your life you need closure. You need something to sum of that chapter of your life so you can finish the rest of the book that is your life. It is okay to be sad. It's ok to miss everything that you're leaving behind and be sad because you're friends are hours away instead of just minutes. It is alright to wish it wasn't over and to be afraid of change and what is coming next. But the thing is you can't let that ruin the rest of your life. Time is short. You need to cry it out, hit it out, or just do what you do to move on. Life is great. Enjoy it. Live it. Love it. You may be leaving great things behind and yes things probably won't be the same, but they will get better. Missions are great things. You will enjoy that time more than any other in your life. Prepare yourselves for it so you can hit the ground running and make the time that you're there count. You have eternity to be with your friends and to laugh with them. Stay righteous and true to this Church and you will be blessed.
As much as I was saddened by leaving Logan I know that because of this gospel I will be able to find those friends for eternity. Even if I don't see some of them again in this life I have eternity to do so. Because of this gospel and the Atonement which made the Plan of Salvation possible I can see them all again. No matter what happens in life or where the world may take us I know that in the end I will be able to find them again.
My mom told me once that in order to move on and take on the next adventure in your life you need closure. You need something to sum of that chapter of your life so you can finish the rest of the book that is your life. It is okay to be sad. It's ok to miss everything that you're leaving behind and be sad because you're friends are hours away instead of just minutes. It is alright to wish it wasn't over and to be afraid of change and what is coming next. But the thing is you can't let that ruin the rest of your life. Time is short. You need to cry it out, hit it out, or just do what you do to move on. Life is great. Enjoy it. Live it. Love it. You may be leaving great things behind and yes things probably won't be the same, but they will get better. Missions are great things. You will enjoy that time more than any other in your life. Prepare yourselves for it so you can hit the ground running and make the time that you're there count. You have eternity to be with your friends and to laugh with them. Stay righteous and true to this Church and you will be blessed.
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