Deep Thoughts

   Sometimes I have too much time on my hands and start to think deeply...never a good thing, ever. Also I blog too much and typically what I'm saying doesn't make sense. Oh well, when in doubt blog it out. I don't really understand why I blog. What even is blogging? No idea. All I know is that it helps me to understand the jumbled thoughts that make up my mind. So onward to the randomness that is today.
   First matter of business would concern a little twelve year old blonde who so happens to be my brother, Kyle. He is a pretty awesome little brother I must say, but I have realized that I have been taking him for granted.  Since being home I have noticed that most of the time I am getting mad at him. Mad at him for singing some random song at the top of his lungs, for stealing my stuff, or other small things. I also have noticed that I ignore him. He wants to play a game or go sledding and I always have something better to do. And then I also noticed that he is twelve years old and in eighteen months when I come home he will be fourteen. I won't get those two years back. He isn't going to want to color with me or build forts out of coach cushions when I get home. I need to stop being such a punk and be a better big sister. Cade is at an age where it doesn't really matter to him if I am here or not, but it matters to Kyle. He needs someone to do crazy things with him and there is no better person than me to get the job done. I also noticed that by reaching out and doing things with him, I'm happier. I may not get the best nights sleep in a Lion King tent in the living room, but I do have memories that are priceless. Families may be forever and I am so grateful for that, but Kyle isn't going to be twelve forever. I'm not going to be twenty forever...(so old!). I may come home from my mission, but things are just going to continue to change after that. I will go right back to school and hopefully get married in a proper amount of time from my return from Georgia, but no matter what happens the life I am living now isn't going to come back. I need to live every day like it's my last because it is. Not my last day to live, but my last chance with the opportunities of that day. Each day brings me closer to leaving and closer to a chapter of my life ending a chapter that I can go back and read, but not re-live. I need to remember that and take more time to color and have snowball fights, I need to be the sister Kyle deserves.