I've been thinking. How often is it that you hear a missionary admit that they're scared? I don't think I've ever heard a missionary that is preparing to leave really be open and honest about how difficult it gets. So I'm gonna go for it and let you know that it gets rough. I think it would have really helped me to know that I'm not the only missionary who struggles like this. It would have been nice to find a blog full of confessions. Haha! So here goes. The confessions of a future missionary...
Satan is going to do anything to get you not to go on your mission. Literally anything. You think you've been tempted before, but I promise you once you make it your goal to go on a mission he cranks it up. It might start to get rough when you turn your papers in, when you get ready to go through the temple, when you get your call, or right before you go in the MTC. I think it's different for every person. For me it didn't start until the week and a half left mark. Then I started to fall apart. Satan. Evil man. He's good at what he does.
I'm sure that Satan works on everyone differently. He knows us. We are all different. He knows the things that will crush me, and they might be things that other people could easily handle. He is good. So good. But the Lord is better. Things are going to get ridiculously difficult. Satan is going to play some major mind games with you. There are times when I don't know where half the thoughts inside my head even come from. There are other times when quite honestly I don't even know who I am. I don't know what I stand for or what is even happening really. That might not make a lot of sense, but it happens. My head legit feels like it has been beaten and everything just becomes kind of hazy. There are others times when I just don't feel worthy. Am I sure a mission is even the right thing for me? Or am I just wasting everyone's time and so much money? Then there are days where you just don't feel like leaving everything you know and love behind for eighteen months. Or Satan will use those around you and cause you so much personal emotional pain it is insane. He does all of these things and so much more. Sometimes you're going to be terrified and so afraid that you aren't going to be good at this whole missionary thing.
When these thoughts and more occur I advise you to remember
You're on the winning side. With the help of the Savior there is nothing you can't get through. It's ok to admit that it's hard, but by no means is it impossible. You can get through it, just know you aren't alone. I also advise that you don't spend a lot of time alone or not doing anything. An active and busy mind will help distract you from the seeds of doubt that Satan plants in your head. I also advise you to constantly think about the reasons you're going on a mission. And to always have a prayer in your heart that the spirit will be with you to keep you strong. If you remember these things it gets easier.
If you start to feel these things or feel discouraged don't be embarrassed, don't be ashamed. It's normal. You are about to serve the Lord and spread his gospel of course Satan is going to want you to fail. It isn't supposed to be easy, but I know it will be worth it.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Friday, March 1, 2013
Down with Satan!
Five days! That's all I have left! And let me tell you, Satan is bringing the heat! That is a lot of exclamation marks but it is that serious. Satan. is. a. booger. Some days there is nothing I want more than to beat him with a stick. That's a lie, I want to beat him with a stick everyday!!
Satan's job and purpose is to destroy this gospel. That's what he does. He is doing everything to thwart the gospel. Not only is he trying to mess with the whole Church he is going to mess with you. He is going to push you and tempt you. And he isn't going to go away. The stronger you get, the closer to the Savior, the closer to your mission the harder he will push. You can't forget that he knows you. He knows what makes you tick and all the things that will get to you. Just because he knows doesn't mean he gets to win. Fight. Pray. At the time whatever you're going through is going to hurt. It's going to be hard. But you can't ever give up. Don't let the adversary win. We are on the right side, the winning side, we just need to remember to fight. I have honestly never been pushed and tempted so much in my life. There are days where I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Sometimes I don't know who I am. I can't tell which thoughts are mine or which are Satan's. And I know it isn't going to get easier. But I can get stronger. Satan isn't going to give up, but that's ok because neither am I, and neither are you. Satan is going to do all that he can to stop you from sharing the gospel with others. He may help you get injured, he may play crazy mind games, he might even use those around you to get to you, play mind games with you, and make you feel like you aren't good enough. You just need to remember to have faith. Faith that if you do your part and pray for strength it will all work out. It sucks right now, a lot. Right now Satan has won the battle, but I will win the war. He has found another way to get to me, he always will, but in the end I will be the winner.
Satan's job and purpose is to destroy this gospel. That's what he does. He is doing everything to thwart the gospel. Not only is he trying to mess with the whole Church he is going to mess with you. He is going to push you and tempt you. And he isn't going to go away. The stronger you get, the closer to the Savior, the closer to your mission the harder he will push. You can't forget that he knows you. He knows what makes you tick and all the things that will get to you. Just because he knows doesn't mean he gets to win. Fight. Pray. At the time whatever you're going through is going to hurt. It's going to be hard. But you can't ever give up. Don't let the adversary win. We are on the right side, the winning side, we just need to remember to fight. I have honestly never been pushed and tempted so much in my life. There are days where I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Sometimes I don't know who I am. I can't tell which thoughts are mine or which are Satan's. And I know it isn't going to get easier. But I can get stronger. Satan isn't going to give up, but that's ok because neither am I, and neither are you. Satan is going to do all that he can to stop you from sharing the gospel with others. He may help you get injured, he may play crazy mind games, he might even use those around you to get to you, play mind games with you, and make you feel like you aren't good enough. You just need to remember to have faith. Faith that if you do your part and pray for strength it will all work out. It sucks right now, a lot. Right now Satan has won the battle, but I will win the war. He has found another way to get to me, he always will, but in the end I will be the winner.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Talks
Sometimes while trying to right my farewell talk I find great talks. They don't relate to my topic, but they're just so great I wanted to share it with the world!
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/finding-joy-in-the-journey?lang=eng
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/finding-joy-in-the-journey?lang=eng
Friday, February 22, 2013
Missions...huzzah!
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765623191/LDS-Church-announces-creation-of-58-new-missions.html?pg=2
Monday, February 18, 2013
Temple, love it
I have now officially participated or watched all of the ordinances that take place in the temple. So cool! And I can honestly say that they are all fantastic and so powerful. The sealing ordinance is something else. When I was eight I was blessed with the opportunity to be sealed to my family. Sadly, I don't really remember what happened. I mean I was only eight, I do remember making Cade cry though, haha! But this last Friday I was blessed with the wonderful opportunity to see one of my very best friends get sealed in the temple. It truly was so great! Just the feeling of the whole ceremony was fantastic. It was such a strong sweet spirit. And I will never forget hearing the words time and all eternity, not death do we part. The happiness on Nat's face truly was something else. The look on her face as she looked into the mirrors with her husband was so sweet. As I was sitting in the sealing room I pondered things. I pondered the place I'm at in my life. I am no where near getting married! Even if all of Nat's family thought I was already married, it is not something that I am ready for. But that doesn't mean what happened in that room at the top of the Rexburg, Temple didn't apply to me.
Marriage may not be something in my near future, but a mission is. I am going to be teaching and inviting people to come unto Christ. My main goal and dream with that is to get the people I teach to a place where they can be sealed in the temple. Imagine living your whole life not knowing what comes next, then one day two crazy kids show up at your door with the Book of Mormon. And if you accept it your whole world will change. I love Natalie. Love her. It was such a great feeling watching her be sealed to the man she loved. I can only imagine the happiness I would feel watching someone new to the gospel making those same covenants. I mean that is what missionary work is all about, isn't it? Helping others come to know our Savior and finding a way back to him? The only way back is through the temple. The covenants that you make in that building is what paves the way. I am so thankful for the path I'm on and grateful for the opportunities awaiting me in the future.
Marriage may not be something in my near future, but a mission is. I am going to be teaching and inviting people to come unto Christ. My main goal and dream with that is to get the people I teach to a place where they can be sealed in the temple. Imagine living your whole life not knowing what comes next, then one day two crazy kids show up at your door with the Book of Mormon. And if you accept it your whole world will change. I love Natalie. Love her. It was such a great feeling watching her be sealed to the man she loved. I can only imagine the happiness I would feel watching someone new to the gospel making those same covenants. I mean that is what missionary work is all about, isn't it? Helping others come to know our Savior and finding a way back to him? The only way back is through the temple. The covenants that you make in that building is what paves the way. I am so thankful for the path I'm on and grateful for the opportunities awaiting me in the future.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
First World Problems
First world problems. Yup. I have them. And the only to deal with them is to acknowledge them and yes...blog it out. My current first world problem is that people don't really like me. Yes. This is a current theme through out my life and I have a feeling that it will be something I have to deal with on my mission. But if you really think about it, it is for sure a first world problem. There are so many problems I could be dealing with that are so much worse. I have friends, I'm healthy, I have a loving family, and I'm not hurting for money. As much as at times this problem of mine can really get me down I have come to realize something. People may not like me and at times I may think they dislike me for no reason, but who was the most hated person of all time? Who was hated for absolutely no reason? The Savior. And how great of a man was he? He did nothing with his life but give it to others. He literally gave up his life so that the very people that hated him could have a chance at forgiveness. If he can do all that. If he can live for those who scorned and mocked him and beg for their forgiveness then I can live with whatever problem gets through at me. People may not like me. So what. They may talk about me, but no one is trying to take my life. If the Savior can do it, I can do it. And I will do it. I will do it for Him so that one day I can live with Him again.
A Little Child
Sometimes I have epiphanies. I work with kids that have special needs. It is a hard job, but may also be one of the most rewarding things I have ever done with my life. Sometimes I will tell the little five year old I work with something and never expect him to remember it or even care about it. One day we were driving home and I pointed out the pink clouds from the sunset. I didn't do it for him to really care it was merely something to have him do so he would stop kicking my seat. He looked out the window said it was pretty and then some typical sassy comment and nothing more was said that day. The next day we got in the car and as we were driving he started to frantically look out the window. After a few minutes he looked at me and was so disappointed. Those big blue eyes of his were filling with tears...so weird, so unlike Aiden. When I asked him what was wrong he simply told me the pink clouds were gone and the sky wasn't as pretty. From this I learned something (other than the fact that my child was precious) I need to see like Aiden sees. The smallest simplest things, like the pink clouds, made him so happy. Sometimes they were even enough to change his attitude about a whole day. There are so many things I daily take for granted. So many things that little children remember so easily.
Aiden also taught me how to forgive, and I mean really forgive. I have always known that forgiveness and forgiving others is very important. But it wasn't until I started working with Aiden that I really started to understand the whole concept of forgiveness. Sometimes when we would be working together he would do something and I would have to be stern with him. This of course would upset him. We may argue for a little bit and I would make him do something he didn't like. Sometimes he got a little angry. But what really blew me away was what happened after our arguments. He always, everyday, forgave me and got over it. I may have really upset him and he may think I'm a bully for ten minutes. But at the end of every day he still loved me. He would still be excited for our next day together. It would take him a while occasionally and he never forgot what happened he just simply let it go. I need to forgive like that. I often will say I have forgiven someone, but haven't really gotten over what they've done. Aiden would forgive me and go back to how things were and pretend like nothing ever happened. He didn't hold a silent grudge. He got over it and was ready for the next thing. I realize he is only five, but that doesn't mean we can't learn from his example. Forgiveness should be that way. I should get over what has happened and be willing to move past it. Just because hard things happen doesn't mean you have to forget all the good times and rid yourself of the future ones.
There are so many things to be learned from little children. They truly have some of the sweetest spirits. From watching and listening to them you really can learn so much.
Aiden also taught me how to forgive, and I mean really forgive. I have always known that forgiveness and forgiving others is very important. But it wasn't until I started working with Aiden that I really started to understand the whole concept of forgiveness. Sometimes when we would be working together he would do something and I would have to be stern with him. This of course would upset him. We may argue for a little bit and I would make him do something he didn't like. Sometimes he got a little angry. But what really blew me away was what happened after our arguments. He always, everyday, forgave me and got over it. I may have really upset him and he may think I'm a bully for ten minutes. But at the end of every day he still loved me. He would still be excited for our next day together. It would take him a while occasionally and he never forgot what happened he just simply let it go. I need to forgive like that. I often will say I have forgiven someone, but haven't really gotten over what they've done. Aiden would forgive me and go back to how things were and pretend like nothing ever happened. He didn't hold a silent grudge. He got over it and was ready for the next thing. I realize he is only five, but that doesn't mean we can't learn from his example. Forgiveness should be that way. I should get over what has happened and be willing to move past it. Just because hard things happen doesn't mean you have to forget all the good times and rid yourself of the future ones.
There are so many things to be learned from little children. They truly have some of the sweetest spirits. From watching and listening to them you really can learn so much.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Go to the Temple
Yesterday I had the glorious opportunity to go through the temple with one of my best friends. (no I didn't get married) One of my good friends from high school has made the glorious choice to serve a mission. We're both leaving in March! So exciting. She invited me yesterday to go through her endowment session. It was a great experience.
Since going through myself two weeks ago I hadn't yet had the chance to go through a second time. I was super nervous to go through again without an escort. There are lots of things to remember and do and I was quite worried that I would hold things up. I also had no idea how things worked in the Rexburg, Temple. But I couldn't help but be excited! The temple is great and the spirit there is so peaceful.
In 2008 I was blessed with the opportunity to be a part of the groundbreaking and the open house of the Rexburg Temple yesterday I was able to go inside. It was so great. So beautiful. And so confusing....but still great! Once the temple workers see that you have your big kid recommend they just let you go. After wandering around for a little bit one of the sweet temple ladies recognized a lost soul and helped me get to where I needed to be. I didn't need to be nervous. Everyone in the temple is looking for the same things as I was. The sweet peace and spirit of the temple. Everyone helped me get to where I needed to be and do the things that needed to be done.
As I was sitting in the session I was looking at my little pink name card. When you go through an endowment session for the dead they let you hold the card. I like it that way. My lady was Edith born in 1875 in Massachusetts. She was baptized and confirmed in 2009 and had her initories done in 2011. That blew me away. It took 4 years from when she was baptized to have her endowments done. Isn't that crazy? She has been on the other side of the veil patiently waiting for her life saving ordinances to be completed. And is still waiting for someone to take the time to do her sealing.
Looking at those numbers I realized I need to make more time for the temple. There are thousands of people on the other side of the veil waiting for that next step to be done for them. And there is nothing they can do but wait. When I was younger I only saw to baptisms and confirmations for the dead I'd completely forgotten that the wait for those people wasn't over. There is so much that needs to be done. And all it takes is a little time out of our daily lives. Just a couple hours to the temple to save the life eternally of another. Sounds worth it to me.
Since going through myself two weeks ago I hadn't yet had the chance to go through a second time. I was super nervous to go through again without an escort. There are lots of things to remember and do and I was quite worried that I would hold things up. I also had no idea how things worked in the Rexburg, Temple. But I couldn't help but be excited! The temple is great and the spirit there is so peaceful.
In 2008 I was blessed with the opportunity to be a part of the groundbreaking and the open house of the Rexburg Temple yesterday I was able to go inside. It was so great. So beautiful. And so confusing....but still great! Once the temple workers see that you have your big kid recommend they just let you go. After wandering around for a little bit one of the sweet temple ladies recognized a lost soul and helped me get to where I needed to be. I didn't need to be nervous. Everyone in the temple is looking for the same things as I was. The sweet peace and spirit of the temple. Everyone helped me get to where I needed to be and do the things that needed to be done.
As I was sitting in the session I was looking at my little pink name card. When you go through an endowment session for the dead they let you hold the card. I like it that way. My lady was Edith born in 1875 in Massachusetts. She was baptized and confirmed in 2009 and had her initories done in 2011. That blew me away. It took 4 years from when she was baptized to have her endowments done. Isn't that crazy? She has been on the other side of the veil patiently waiting for her life saving ordinances to be completed. And is still waiting for someone to take the time to do her sealing.
Looking at those numbers I realized I need to make more time for the temple. There are thousands of people on the other side of the veil waiting for that next step to be done for them. And there is nothing they can do but wait. When I was younger I only saw to baptisms and confirmations for the dead I'd completely forgotten that the wait for those people wasn't over. There is so much that needs to be done. And all it takes is a little time out of our daily lives. Just a couple hours to the temple to save the life eternally of another. Sounds worth it to me.
Friday, February 1, 2013
I love my Elders
Random title and it actually has nothing to do with this post, but I could think of nothing. Anyway I got a letter from my good from Elder Clark today. Proud of that kid. He is having a great time out there on his mission and doing some great things. Oddly enough he is actually in Georgia right now! Getting his last letter and see his return address was kind of weird, but awesome. Even though he isn't serving in the same area of Georgia as I am it's cool to hear him talk about it. He has some pretty great things to say about it. According to Elder Clark the people of Georgia are supposed to be fantastic and it really is the world of football. YAY FOOTBALL! They might not even go out Sunday of the Super bowl because it's supposed to be crazy. That makes me love Georgia so much more! Clark also said that his mission covers the whole coast of Georgia and part of South Carolina. It's kind of crazy to me how big his mission is.
One thing I think fits this post at least title wise is that I do indeed enjoy my Elders. They really are quite legit. They have made the choice to give up two years of their lives to serve the Lord and share this gospel all over the world. I am so proud of them for that. They are some pretty great examples. Letters from them are always great and help to make my day. There really isn't anything like reading their letters and watching as the spirit starts to completely work through them. They change so much and you can see it through the things they say. All of them have become so much greater than they were even before they left. I'm so thankful to have friends like them and so excited to follow their example.
Letter.
Oh Heavenly Father you know me too well!!! You know exactly what things would be the hardest trials for me. Ah. But as unfortunate as it may be and as much as right now I hate them I know that it is for the best. I know I know it is ah gotta breathe. This whole missionary age thing is still killing me! It shouldn't! It's great it's fantastic the Church is growing so much! Yet there are times when I don't feel that way. Ha. I mean AHH!!! I'm trying oh I promise I'm trying. Really my whole issue with this comes down to selfishness. This isn't about me. My whole life, all life is about you and my Savior. I just really need to remember that and not just say it, but come to believe it. This isn't about me. It's not not even a little bit. It's great that some many people want to serve and share this gospel with the world it really is. And I'm so thankful and blessed just to be apart of it. So I will gladly take these trials and I will do my best. You know Heavenly Father. You know the plan more than I can ever begin to understand and it is up to me to just have faith and let things work out. I will try my hardest to be the person you want me to be.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
The Gospel is...
Have you ever had someone ask you to say what you think the gospel is in one word? No? Well I'm asking you right now. Think about it. Ponder your answer. Sing about it to someone. Kidding. But it would be pretty great if you did. This is kind of a tough question. There are just so many answers that work and would be great. It really is quite tricky. But to me (my answer will probably be different than yours) the gospel is happy.
Think about. Honestly what about this gospel isn't something that brings joy. One key to this Church is the idea of service. It can be hard to get into and sometimes we just don't want to do it. But what happens when we do? Not only are we bringing joy into the life of others, but it brightens our day as well. There is a certain kind of happiness that comes when you're serving others that you can't find anywhere else.
One of life's biggest questions is what happens after this? Is this the end? Is it really death do us part? One of the happiest doctrines I think is the fact that we have eternal life. The fact that we can be sealed to our families for all time. Isn't that so great? Stop. Imagine for a minute what your life would be like without that knowledge? What would be missing? Happiness. I know everyday I am thankful for the fact that no matter what happens I will literally always have my family.
With this gospel is happiness idea I realize that we're still going to have trials, it's a part of the plan. But think about this. What brings us back to being happy after some of the worst experiences a person can have? The gospel. It is through repentance, the atonement, feeling the sweet Spirit, and knowing that our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ love us that guides back to happiness. Without this gospel it isn't really possible.
I know that I find happiness in the knowledge that I am not alone and that my Savior knows me and loves him. I am a divine daughter of God. And yes I may grow old alone with my giraffe farm, but He loves me and that's all that matters. So many people don't know that and live their lives thinking that they are utterly alone. How sad. I know that this knowledge has helped me get through so much and can't imagine my life without it.
I know that the world is full of people who don't have the gospel and who think that there is nothing wrong with the lives they are living. But if you get them to stop and really think about it they know deep down that something is missing. They tried to fill it with partying, drinking, drugs, too many girls or guys, and all kinds of things but they don't ever really fill it. It is especially obvious to them when they hang around people like us. They see how happy we are with all the little things and they honestly don't understand. To them we are a peculiar people. And that we may be, but we have a kind of happiness, a kind of joy that can't be found anywhere else.
For a Sassy Side of Life
http://sassycassie18.blogspot.com/
For all those moments when I don't want to be deep. Or feel. But instead let my sassy, weird, possibly inappropriate side loose on the blogging world.
For all those moments when I don't want to be deep. Or feel. But instead let my sassy, weird, possibly inappropriate side loose on the blogging world.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Words
Sometimes we find ourselves saying something to someone without really thinking about it. I know I do. I will just blurt out a random compliment. Afterwards I'm always like what the heck. But after today I really think that is the Spirit working through us to comfort others. We don't ever really know what another person is going through and what they need. But the Spirit does.
We really don't know the power of words. The words we say, hear, think. They are what starts things. A feeling, an action. I know that for me today a simple question changed my day for the better. That question let me know that someone cared. They they cared enough to remember to even ask it, to remember that I even told them about it. It truly made me smile and still makes me happy just thinking about it. It feels good to know that people notice and accept us. I think sometimes I ignore those feelings. I don't reach out and say something to someone because I'm worried they don't want to talk. Really I think they're afraid of the same things. We need to be the brave ones and start it. We need to be sensitive to the Spirit so he can guide us when it comes to who to talk to and what to say.
This is the same kind of sweet and tender voice that will talk to us on our missions. It is the voice that will help us find those who are looking for the gospel and it's light in their lives. It's time to practice listening to it now. Time to work on being confident and reaching out others. I know that if she hadn't have asked that I wouldn't have had the day that I had. All that it took was a question to changed my whole day. How many days, lives can you change with a word, a smile? You will never know. But don't let that stop you. Reach out to others look for that opportunity to be the light in someone's darkness. They will be so grateful to you for it, even if you don't ever know.
We really don't know the power of words. The words we say, hear, think. They are what starts things. A feeling, an action. I know that for me today a simple question changed my day for the better. That question let me know that someone cared. They they cared enough to remember to even ask it, to remember that I even told them about it. It truly made me smile and still makes me happy just thinking about it. It feels good to know that people notice and accept us. I think sometimes I ignore those feelings. I don't reach out and say something to someone because I'm worried they don't want to talk. Really I think they're afraid of the same things. We need to be the brave ones and start it. We need to be sensitive to the Spirit so he can guide us when it comes to who to talk to and what to say.
This is the same kind of sweet and tender voice that will talk to us on our missions. It is the voice that will help us find those who are looking for the gospel and it's light in their lives. It's time to practice listening to it now. Time to work on being confident and reaching out others. I know that if she hadn't have asked that I wouldn't have had the day that I had. All that it took was a question to changed my whole day. How many days, lives can you change with a word, a smile? You will never know. But don't let that stop you. Reach out to others look for that opportunity to be the light in someone's darkness. They will be so grateful to you for it, even if you don't ever know.
Ray Lewis
Ray Lewis of all people has taught me a lesson. A lesson that I think will be quite valuable to my mission. For those of you who don't know who Ray Lewis is he is a football player. He plays for the Ravens and normally I hate him because he tackles Payten. But the other day he was playing the Patriots for a chance to go to the Super Bowl. This is Ray's last year. So he was super emotional before the game. As much as he is not my favorite I was really moved. I personally love when athletes cry when the national anthem is played. It just makes them seem more real to me. Like they care about our country , puppies, and little orphan children like everybody else does. This incident solidified something I had been thinking about.
Tears can be good. (I can't believe I just said that) But they can be. Think about it. When you are watching the Olympics and see the Americans win gold and sing the national anthem all together with tears streaming down their faces what do you think? Do you think they're a bunch of pansies who should keep it together? Typically no. You love them for it. I know I do.
Can't this lesson be applied to us? To the life of a missionary. In high school people didn't like me because they didn't think that I cared, about anyone or anything. When really it was simply that I didn't like to show my emotions to anyone. I thought it made me weak. But I think I have come to learn that only a strong person can cry in front of others. They aren't afraid to show that they truly care and are moved by something. I think that takes courage.
I have also come to realize that tears and showing emotion can be moving to other people. It can help them to see that you care about what you're saying. That you mean it and it matters to you. Sometimes I think it can even help them to feel similar feelings. On my mission if I tear up while bearing my testimony or attending a service I honestly don't see anyway it could hurt things. It might be exactly what an investigator needs to see. If I block everything up now how am I supposed to let it out in the mission field. I also think there is a fine line between sincere crying and a fake waterfall. I'm not saying we should force ourselves to cry or let ourselves go completely. but rather let our emotions shine through. In our eyes. In our facial expressions. In our actions. You know what I'm talking about. The quiet tears that shine in people's eyes when they talk or gently fall when they're speaking. Nothing that gets in there way just something that emphasizes what they're saying. This is a strength. A quality that I need to work on.
Tears can be good. (I can't believe I just said that) But they can be. Think about it. When you are watching the Olympics and see the Americans win gold and sing the national anthem all together with tears streaming down their faces what do you think? Do you think they're a bunch of pansies who should keep it together? Typically no. You love them for it. I know I do.
Can't this lesson be applied to us? To the life of a missionary. In high school people didn't like me because they didn't think that I cared, about anyone or anything. When really it was simply that I didn't like to show my emotions to anyone. I thought it made me weak. But I think I have come to learn that only a strong person can cry in front of others. They aren't afraid to show that they truly care and are moved by something. I think that takes courage.
I have also come to realize that tears and showing emotion can be moving to other people. It can help them to see that you care about what you're saying. That you mean it and it matters to you. Sometimes I think it can even help them to feel similar feelings. On my mission if I tear up while bearing my testimony or attending a service I honestly don't see anyway it could hurt things. It might be exactly what an investigator needs to see. If I block everything up now how am I supposed to let it out in the mission field. I also think there is a fine line between sincere crying and a fake waterfall. I'm not saying we should force ourselves to cry or let ourselves go completely. but rather let our emotions shine through. In our eyes. In our facial expressions. In our actions. You know what I'm talking about. The quiet tears that shine in people's eyes when they talk or gently fall when they're speaking. Nothing that gets in there way just something that emphasizes what they're saying. This is a strength. A quality that I need to work on.
Life's about the trials
Sometimes my job is a little rough. Don't get me wrong I enjoy it. Like today, today was a great day at work. I think part of the reason it is so hard (like yesterday) is because I really care about those kids. It is a tad bit frustrating when you work so hard to help them and get them to be better and they don't understand. You just see so much potential in them and wish they could see it for themselves. These feelings created at work sometimes lead to worse feelings. Let's just say occasionally (it's only happened once) I have a work induced psychotic break down. Yesterday was one of those days.
Work will just get me in this state of emotional upheaval and exhaustion. Which unfortunately leaves me vulnerable to all kinds of things that normally wouldn't matter, but instead push me over the edge. Yesterday there was a certain topic or idea that was especially getting to me. I had this feeling that caring about people sucks.
I care about people. I will go out of my way to make everyone happy. Do whatever I can to make people feel included. Nothing hurts me more or makes me more upset than when someone feels left out or doesn't like me. Silly I know. People liking me really shouldn't matter. But it kills me all the same. I couldn't get over it yesterday. Or how you can give so much of yourself to someone to try and help them, but they can't ever seem to do anything for you when you need it. I was quite upset to be honest. (No I didn't cry) But I was just tired and angry. When I remembered the wise words of a friend...pray.
So pray I did. And the Spirit told me to read my scriptures. I was a little doubtful at first. I didn't think I was in the best mood to read the scriptures, but gotta listen to those promptings. So read I did. I didn't find anything in the scriptures to help with my situation, but I was in a better state of mind and was open to the Spirit. I then felt prompted to read this magnificent book "Why I'm a Mormon." While reading I found a thought that really helped me.
In the story I had turned to the main character was feeling sorry for himself and felt prompted to read D&C 122:8. While reading that verse this phrase struck him, "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?"
I decided to apply this phrase to my situation. Think about this. The Savior has suffered everything, has felt every sadness. The pain He went through is unimaginable. Do I really have anything to complain about? Even more than that think of all He has done for us. I may do a lot for people, but the Savior gave the ultimate gift...His life. He literally gave all that He had for us. So that one day we can live with him again. Think about how many people reject that gift on a daily basis. People who know better. I really don't have any room to complain. If the Savior can literally give His all, then I can give what little I have to give without complaint. The Savior doesn't ever get mad at our lack of appreciation and take it all away. Instead He loves us anyway. He may temporarily move on and help another, but He never forgets us. I can follow His example and do the same. I can be grateful for His sacrifice and everyday try and show how thankful I am by reaching out to others.
Work will just get me in this state of emotional upheaval and exhaustion. Which unfortunately leaves me vulnerable to all kinds of things that normally wouldn't matter, but instead push me over the edge. Yesterday there was a certain topic or idea that was especially getting to me. I had this feeling that caring about people sucks.
I care about people. I will go out of my way to make everyone happy. Do whatever I can to make people feel included. Nothing hurts me more or makes me more upset than when someone feels left out or doesn't like me. Silly I know. People liking me really shouldn't matter. But it kills me all the same. I couldn't get over it yesterday. Or how you can give so much of yourself to someone to try and help them, but they can't ever seem to do anything for you when you need it. I was quite upset to be honest. (No I didn't cry) But I was just tired and angry. When I remembered the wise words of a friend...pray.
So pray I did. And the Spirit told me to read my scriptures. I was a little doubtful at first. I didn't think I was in the best mood to read the scriptures, but gotta listen to those promptings. So read I did. I didn't find anything in the scriptures to help with my situation, but I was in a better state of mind and was open to the Spirit. I then felt prompted to read this magnificent book "Why I'm a Mormon." While reading I found a thought that really helped me.
In the story I had turned to the main character was feeling sorry for himself and felt prompted to read D&C 122:8. While reading that verse this phrase struck him, "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?"
I decided to apply this phrase to my situation. Think about this. The Savior has suffered everything, has felt every sadness. The pain He went through is unimaginable. Do I really have anything to complain about? Even more than that think of all He has done for us. I may do a lot for people, but the Savior gave the ultimate gift...His life. He literally gave all that He had for us. So that one day we can live with him again. Think about how many people reject that gift on a daily basis. People who know better. I really don't have any room to complain. If the Savior can literally give His all, then I can give what little I have to give without complaint. The Savior doesn't ever get mad at our lack of appreciation and take it all away. Instead He loves us anyway. He may temporarily move on and help another, but He never forgets us. I can follow His example and do the same. I can be grateful for His sacrifice and everyday try and show how thankful I am by reaching out to others.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
I'll go inside someday.
I went in the temple yesterday!!! AH!! It was pretty great. Words of advice when you are going through try and be spiritual the whole day. It really helps you be in a better place for when you go in the temple. It really was fantastic. The experience is going to be different for everyone. For me it wasn't really overwhelmingly spiritual. I felt the spirit but not in the super strong way that some people describe. For me it was more of feeling His love. All of the ordinances in the temple really do come from the love of our Heavenly Father for us. He is providing so many different ways for us to be able to return to live with him, and be with our families for eternity.
For me the most fantastic part was the feeling of knowing that because of what was happening that day I can know return to the celestial kingdom. And there really is nothing like looking around and seeing your family and friends all around you. The temple workers are also great. You have a little temple worker who stays right by you the whole time. They're pretty great and so sweet! And sometimes they will disappear for a moment and the whole temple is looking out for you. It's great. You can see just how the church tries to take care of each other. People you don't know and will probably never see again will go out of their way to help you feel comfortable and loved.
So there was a slight problem with my wonderful day. I loved it and felt great, but I didn't really feel the spirit in such a wonderful way that some people describe after they've gone through the temple. I was slightly worried about this. I had tried so hard to get for the right spirit and frame of mind for the temple. I couldn't help but feel like I was doing something wrong. Then today in sunday school something was said that helped me a lot. We were talking about the Sacred Grove and he was sharing how when he went he enjoyed it, but didn't feel anything glorious. He went on to say that it was because he had a testimony of the Sacred Grove and Joseph Smith before he ever got to the Sacred Grove. I think that works for me. I have always had a strong testimony of the temple. It is always something that I've had a testimony about and something I knew I needed in my life. The temple has always been a symbol of the church and a place where I could feel closer to the Lord and leave the world behind. Before I went into the temple I had a testimony of the truthfulness and power of it. I knew that no matter what happened inside it was true. It was sacred and that it was the things of the Lord. Even thought I wasn't overcome by the spirit it was a great day. It was truly one of the best days of my life and something I will always remember and hold on too when time gets rough.
For me the most fantastic part was the feeling of knowing that because of what was happening that day I can know return to the celestial kingdom. And there really is nothing like looking around and seeing your family and friends all around you. The temple workers are also great. You have a little temple worker who stays right by you the whole time. They're pretty great and so sweet! And sometimes they will disappear for a moment and the whole temple is looking out for you. It's great. You can see just how the church tries to take care of each other. People you don't know and will probably never see again will go out of their way to help you feel comfortable and loved.
So there was a slight problem with my wonderful day. I loved it and felt great, but I didn't really feel the spirit in such a wonderful way that some people describe after they've gone through the temple. I was slightly worried about this. I had tried so hard to get for the right spirit and frame of mind for the temple. I couldn't help but feel like I was doing something wrong. Then today in sunday school something was said that helped me a lot. We were talking about the Sacred Grove and he was sharing how when he went he enjoyed it, but didn't feel anything glorious. He went on to say that it was because he had a testimony of the Sacred Grove and Joseph Smith before he ever got to the Sacred Grove. I think that works for me. I have always had a strong testimony of the temple. It is always something that I've had a testimony about and something I knew I needed in my life. The temple has always been a symbol of the church and a place where I could feel closer to the Lord and leave the world behind. Before I went into the temple I had a testimony of the truthfulness and power of it. I knew that no matter what happened inside it was true. It was sacred and that it was the things of the Lord. Even thought I wasn't overcome by the spirit it was a great day. It was truly one of the best days of my life and something I will always remember and hold on too when time gets rough.
It's not all about being a missionary
Deep thought! It has been awhile since I've had one. Actually that's a lie I'm just normally too busy and too tired to share them with the internet. Lucky for you! I'm sick so I have been doing nothing all day and sleeping way too much! Thus I am wide awake and full of deep thoughts that must be released.
I am currently taking temple prep from a couple in my ward and I really enjoy it. At first I wasn't sure it would be that great, but I have learned a lot in that class. I'm getting quite spiritual and junk, which is good I have a mission to go on. But there is one thing in particular I learned at my last temple prep class that really stuck out to me. We were talking and somehow got on the topic of missionary farewells. And my teacher told me something that I'd never heard before. The reason farewells were removed was because the church felt like farewells put too much focus on the mission and not enough on the temple. After all we are going to the temple for the first time and the last time for ourselves. I had never really thought about it this way before. But once he said that it hit me just how great it really is. I'm going to the temple! My whole life I have been taught to get ready for the day when I could enter the temple and make sacred covenants with the Lord. And that day is finally coming.
I should be as excited for the temple as I am for my mission. The temple is a beautiful place where life saving ordinances are performed. Without those ordinances there is no way for us to return to our Heavenly Father. Because of that and many other blessings that come from going to the temple it is something that deserves more of our attention. I know I don't always put as much emphasis on it as I should. The temple is amazing. And the day when we can enter it and do the work for ourselves truly is one of the highlights of your life on this earth. Look forward to this day. Prepare for this day and live your life in a way so that you are always worthy to enter the temple.
I am currently taking temple prep from a couple in my ward and I really enjoy it. At first I wasn't sure it would be that great, but I have learned a lot in that class. I'm getting quite spiritual and junk, which is good I have a mission to go on. But there is one thing in particular I learned at my last temple prep class that really stuck out to me. We were talking and somehow got on the topic of missionary farewells. And my teacher told me something that I'd never heard before. The reason farewells were removed was because the church felt like farewells put too much focus on the mission and not enough on the temple. After all we are going to the temple for the first time and the last time for ourselves. I had never really thought about it this way before. But once he said that it hit me just how great it really is. I'm going to the temple! My whole life I have been taught to get ready for the day when I could enter the temple and make sacred covenants with the Lord. And that day is finally coming.
I should be as excited for the temple as I am for my mission. The temple is a beautiful place where life saving ordinances are performed. Without those ordinances there is no way for us to return to our Heavenly Father. Because of that and many other blessings that come from going to the temple it is something that deserves more of our attention. I know I don't always put as much emphasis on it as I should. The temple is amazing. And the day when we can enter it and do the work for ourselves truly is one of the highlights of your life on this earth. Look forward to this day. Prepare for this day and live your life in a way so that you are always worthy to enter the temple.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Butterflies
Good news everyone! The last drip of the leaky faucet just landed...here it is. Tonight I thought that I would embrace Rigby and seek out old friends from high school. If you think it's weird hanging with old friend after one semester of college try hanging with them after three...whole new level of weird. It was awkward at first, as expected, but it turned out to be pretty fun. They were my friends at one point, right? Right.
Even though I enjoyed my time with them I realized something. When I was with them we did exactly what we did in high school and I couldn't help but think wow, this was my life! And talking about what we talked about I was just like wow...who was I?!?!?!
At first I thought that I must have been crazy in high school and that I am so much better the way I am now. Then I realized that there is no reason I can't be proud of the person I was in high school and proud of who I am today. I mean it is still me. I have changed a lot I'm not saying I haven't, but that doesn't mean that there were lots of serious problems with the person I used to be.
There isn't anything wrong with changing. It is going to happen, it should happen. It is a good thing to grow and learn and no longer be happy with things that once made you so happy. Isn't that what growing up is all about? Think about this. What if we stayed the exact same as we were when we were thirteen...forever? I don't think I would really enjoy it. Yeah I had fun when I was thirteen, but I got over it and enjoy the way things are now. When I was younger I wrote this paper about butterflies...I think it applies. We are like butterflies. We start out as caterpillars. We live life and grow fat on experiences and trials and then one day we wrap ourselves up in our little cocoon. While in our cocoon we become content with the way things are and don't want to change, or leave the cocoon. Then one day we decide to try. We leave the cocoon and spread our wings....we fly. Change makes us grow. It gives us the chance to discover the beauty of our wings and take on the world. And one day we are going to discover the world is so better from the sky and forget how we ever enjoyed it wrapped up in our little cocoon. That's what our mission is. Things are going to change while we are gone and we are going to change so much. It is just an opportunity to test out our wings and change for the better. We need to embrace the change that is going to happen. It really will be for the better. And just because we are changing doesn't mean we have to forget our past it simply means we need to enjoy the present and appreciate the future.
Even though I enjoyed my time with them I realized something. When I was with them we did exactly what we did in high school and I couldn't help but think wow, this was my life! And talking about what we talked about I was just like wow...who was I?!?!?!
At first I thought that I must have been crazy in high school and that I am so much better the way I am now. Then I realized that there is no reason I can't be proud of the person I was in high school and proud of who I am today. I mean it is still me. I have changed a lot I'm not saying I haven't, but that doesn't mean that there were lots of serious problems with the person I used to be.
There isn't anything wrong with changing. It is going to happen, it should happen. It is a good thing to grow and learn and no longer be happy with things that once made you so happy. Isn't that what growing up is all about? Think about this. What if we stayed the exact same as we were when we were thirteen...forever? I don't think I would really enjoy it. Yeah I had fun when I was thirteen, but I got over it and enjoy the way things are now. When I was younger I wrote this paper about butterflies...I think it applies. We are like butterflies. We start out as caterpillars. We live life and grow fat on experiences and trials and then one day we wrap ourselves up in our little cocoon. While in our cocoon we become content with the way things are and don't want to change, or leave the cocoon. Then one day we decide to try. We leave the cocoon and spread our wings....we fly. Change makes us grow. It gives us the chance to discover the beauty of our wings and take on the world. And one day we are going to discover the world is so better from the sky and forget how we ever enjoyed it wrapped up in our little cocoon. That's what our mission is. Things are going to change while we are gone and we are going to change so much. It is just an opportunity to test out our wings and change for the better. We need to embrace the change that is going to happen. It really will be for the better. And just because we are changing doesn't mean we have to forget our past it simply means we need to enjoy the present and appreciate the future.
Best Friend
Ah...that phrase...best friend...I don't like it. If you know me then you know I don't believe in best friends. In my past experience I have seen that they cause problems. Other people think that you can't have other friends, feelings get hurt, and so much more! Typically I try to stay away from that phrase. It's better that way. Plus I am more of a loner type...strong and lone wolf like. And then I realized something in the middle of my leaky faucet of thoughts.
There was a time when I was angry. Why was I at USU for one semester and then leaving?! It just seemed like such a waste of time and money...then I figured out some things. There are quite a few things I left USU with this last semester that I didn't have before I started. Things that I think are necessary to my course in life. The things are best friends...I have a few of them. Although there is one that really helps. I didn't realize until recently how much better life is when you have people that you can call anytime and they will drop everything to be there for you. That they will do all they can to help you get through things even if you are miles and miles apart. (Please tell me you got the Highschool musical reference) I didn't know what I was missing before. They make life easier, that stupid phrase.
Best friends also push you in a way that other friends don't. They aren't afraid to tell you what's up. They will motivate you to your full potential because when you want to give up they know you have more. How cool is that? How important is that to have in your life? So much more important than I ever realized.
They also accept you in a way that others don't. They listen to your little worries that open reflection are quite stupid. They listen to the little things that don't really matter, but make you feel like your whole world is caving in. I encourage you to find some of these. I think more than one is best. They really can help you get through so much. It is okay every once in a while to open a little hole in your wall to let someone in. Even if every once in awhile opening a hole has come back to bite you, one day it will pay off. When it does it is worth it. Because when you find someone or someones you can call best friend life is better....life is easier.
There was a time when I was angry. Why was I at USU for one semester and then leaving?! It just seemed like such a waste of time and money...then I figured out some things. There are quite a few things I left USU with this last semester that I didn't have before I started. Things that I think are necessary to my course in life. The things are best friends...I have a few of them. Although there is one that really helps. I didn't realize until recently how much better life is when you have people that you can call anytime and they will drop everything to be there for you. That they will do all they can to help you get through things even if you are miles and miles apart. (Please tell me you got the Highschool musical reference) I didn't know what I was missing before. They make life easier, that stupid phrase.
Best friends also push you in a way that other friends don't. They aren't afraid to tell you what's up. They will motivate you to your full potential because when you want to give up they know you have more. How cool is that? How important is that to have in your life? So much more important than I ever realized.
They also accept you in a way that others don't. They listen to your little worries that open reflection are quite stupid. They listen to the little things that don't really matter, but make you feel like your whole world is caving in. I encourage you to find some of these. I think more than one is best. They really can help you get through so much. It is okay every once in a while to open a little hole in your wall to let someone in. Even if every once in awhile opening a hole has come back to bite you, one day it will pay off. When it does it is worth it. Because when you find someone or someones you can call best friend life is better....life is easier.
I've Got Hurt Feelings
I almost turned the water off when I realized that the drip is turning into more of a drizzle and I'm pretty sure it will stop on its own soon. This next little thought droplet is very...feely....now I understand why missionaries are supposed to go to bed at ten thirty. (feelings come out at night) Fun Fact: I can sit up in this bunk bed and my head doesn't hit the ceiling....short people problems. Wow. Easily distracted. To the point!!
This world is sad. It makes me sad. I don't even feel that often and it makes me sad. You see something will happen in my life and I will think I am so lucky there is someone out there who has it so much worse than me. Then I start to think about what those things are that are worse then my problems. And I realize that so many of those problems are horrible and no one should have to deal with them!!!!!!
I will start to think about people all over the world starving, shivering, dying all alone, or even scenes like Les Mis where the rebels are fighting and die proud for something they believe in, things like that kill me inside. I love people and it hurts me to know that others suffer and that others are the cause of the suffering. I think what hurts most is knowing that in most cases there isn't anything I can really do to help. I don't think I would be very successful if I went to random countries that were oppressed and tried to start a rebellion to free them. Even if I sung the Can You Hear the People Sing song, as inspiring as it is. (in 9th grade my teacher thought I was going to save Africa...how would I do that...)
I also think about how sad I am when I see someone I care about make a wrong choice. That really gets me too. I know that they know better and I love them. Because I love them I want them to live in such a way that they can return to live with our Heavenly Father and be with me for eternity...sometimes it doesn't seem like that will happen.
Usually after thinking all these thoughts it leads to this...if I feel like this how must our Savior feel?! He loved us so much that He gave His life! It must be SO hard for Him! Especially because as much as He must want to He can't interfere. It's our lives and He gave us agency. It is up to us what's going to happen. It must be so sad to watch your children suffer. It is probably so hard watching those suffer that refuse Him or don't know that He is there. He loves us and of course He wants to help! It is our duty to spread that gospel so that the world can be happier!! Our job to be worthy to be a tool in his hands to spread the joy that this gospel brings. It is also our responsibility to live in such a way that He doesn't have to be sad about us. If we live righteously and in a way that He would want us to that is one less tear that He has to cry. We want Him to be happy and we can work to make that happen.
This world is sad. It makes me sad. I don't even feel that often and it makes me sad. You see something will happen in my life and I will think I am so lucky there is someone out there who has it so much worse than me. Then I start to think about what those things are that are worse then my problems. And I realize that so many of those problems are horrible and no one should have to deal with them!!!!!!
I will start to think about people all over the world starving, shivering, dying all alone, or even scenes like Les Mis where the rebels are fighting and die proud for something they believe in, things like that kill me inside. I love people and it hurts me to know that others suffer and that others are the cause of the suffering. I think what hurts most is knowing that in most cases there isn't anything I can really do to help. I don't think I would be very successful if I went to random countries that were oppressed and tried to start a rebellion to free them. Even if I sung the Can You Hear the People Sing song, as inspiring as it is. (in 9th grade my teacher thought I was going to save Africa...how would I do that...)
I also think about how sad I am when I see someone I care about make a wrong choice. That really gets me too. I know that they know better and I love them. Because I love them I want them to live in such a way that they can return to live with our Heavenly Father and be with me for eternity...sometimes it doesn't seem like that will happen.
Usually after thinking all these thoughts it leads to this...if I feel like this how must our Savior feel?! He loved us so much that He gave His life! It must be SO hard for Him! Especially because as much as He must want to He can't interfere. It's our lives and He gave us agency. It is up to us what's going to happen. It must be so sad to watch your children suffer. It is probably so hard watching those suffer that refuse Him or don't know that He is there. He loves us and of course He wants to help! It is our duty to spread that gospel so that the world can be happier!! Our job to be worthy to be a tool in his hands to spread the joy that this gospel brings. It is also our responsibility to live in such a way that He doesn't have to be sad about us. If we live righteously and in a way that He would want us to that is one less tear that He has to cry. We want Him to be happy and we can work to make that happen.
Promptings
Yup...still going. I am currently like a leaky faucet...deep thoughts are slowly dripping out of me and nothing can stop the leak. It is kind of irritating and pretty soon you're just going to want to turn the water off, but for now you decide to try and deal with the small drip. Anyway this next thought is a pretty good one. I think it is pretty important.
Our whole lives we work on being worthy so we can hear the still small voice. We pray asking for guidance and looking for answers. Sometimes I think we are so busy worrying about the answer and listening to the world that we miss what the Holy Ghost is saying. It is called the still small voice for a reason. He isn't going to yell at us or hit us with a baseball bat. It is much more subtle than that and if we aren't listening for it there is a chance we could miss it.
This isn't an occasional deal. A state of ourselves that we can turn on when we want to. We shouldn't be at a place where we are listening for the spirit only when we ask a question. We should be ready for the Holy Ghost to talk to us at anytime. He is there to guide us even when we don't think we need guidance. He can warn us from danger or even just comfort us when we are having a rough day. If we aren't doing the things we're supposed to and are too involved in the ways of the world we are going to miss those things as well. Sometimes the Holy Ghost doesn't even talk to us to for ourselves. Sometimes he prompts you to act in a way that will help another. It may be something that later we find out was the act to change a person's life or we might not ever know why we were prompted to act a certain way. It could even just be test to see if we were listening.
The thing is you never know if there was something you were supposed to do or say for yourself or someone else. We are going to be lead on the time by promptings when we are in the mission field. It isn't always easy to hear the things the Holy Ghost is saying. It takes practice and it takes work. What better time is there to prepare to use that skill than now? Sometimes we get prompting and we are too afraid to act. Maybe we don't think we can really help a situation, people won't appreciate it, or someone won't want to hear it and get upset. The truth is we don't know until we do it. We might not ever know that it helped anything or anyone. It is up to us to have faith be brave and obey. One day we will look back and be thankful that we listened and worked so that we could recognize the spirit and its promptings.
Our whole lives we work on being worthy so we can hear the still small voice. We pray asking for guidance and looking for answers. Sometimes I think we are so busy worrying about the answer and listening to the world that we miss what the Holy Ghost is saying. It is called the still small voice for a reason. He isn't going to yell at us or hit us with a baseball bat. It is much more subtle than that and if we aren't listening for it there is a chance we could miss it.
This isn't an occasional deal. A state of ourselves that we can turn on when we want to. We shouldn't be at a place where we are listening for the spirit only when we ask a question. We should be ready for the Holy Ghost to talk to us at anytime. He is there to guide us even when we don't think we need guidance. He can warn us from danger or even just comfort us when we are having a rough day. If we aren't doing the things we're supposed to and are too involved in the ways of the world we are going to miss those things as well. Sometimes the Holy Ghost doesn't even talk to us to for ourselves. Sometimes he prompts you to act in a way that will help another. It may be something that later we find out was the act to change a person's life or we might not ever know why we were prompted to act a certain way. It could even just be test to see if we were listening.
The thing is you never know if there was something you were supposed to do or say for yourself or someone else. We are going to be lead on the time by promptings when we are in the mission field. It isn't always easy to hear the things the Holy Ghost is saying. It takes practice and it takes work. What better time is there to prepare to use that skill than now? Sometimes we get prompting and we are too afraid to act. Maybe we don't think we can really help a situation, people won't appreciate it, or someone won't want to hear it and get upset. The truth is we don't know until we do it. We might not ever know that it helped anything or anyone. It is up to us to have faith be brave and obey. One day we will look back and be thankful that we listened and worked so that we could recognize the spirit and its promptings.
There is this girl I know...
Deep thought 3 (more just keep coming and I have to share them or I will forget!) (sorry) This one is kind of tender, especially for me. There is this girl I know. She is one of my best friends from high school and she has had it rough these last couple of years. She lost a family member when we were younger and recently made a pretty serious mistake. And even more recently she has had to give up so much to try and make things better for the lives of those around her. She has sacrificed everything she thought she ever wanted in life. It was hard, but she did it. She continues to do it everyday. And after all the sacrifice and work it still isn't quite working and she is loosing more. Her life as she knows it is falling apart around her and there isn't anything she can do. She has given everything and now it is time to simply pick up the pieces and move on.
I realize that she hasn't always made the best choices, but you see this girl is my kind of hero. Through all of the trials in her life she hasn't given up. She hasn't even ever thought about it. She just keeps on fighting and trying to do her best to make things right. The thing I think that is so great about her is she hasn't ever lost the Church. She has never let go of what she knows to be the truth. Even those times when her faith wavered she clung to it doing her best to make sure it was still there. She has fought her hardest to make things right with the Lord and making the Temple a goal in her life. Even know that she is closer to Him than ever and things are falling apart all around her she hasn't blamed Him. Getting back to heaven is her number one goal. Things might be hard, but she knows that because of Him she can get through it. Not once has she asked why me. She has truly put her life on hold to make sure those she cares about are happy. She is so strong, it really is amazing to me. If I was in her position I don't know if I could do it. If I could have so much faith and love for my Savior and for others.
She is great and good and deserves so much in her life. I know that one day she will get all that she deserves. That she will get through these trials and be rewarded for her diligence. I don't think she knows, but she really is a great example to me. I want to have that kind of faith. Where no matter what gets thrown at me in life or in the mission field I don't doubt. Instead I trust in Him more and grow closer to Him. Bad things are going to happen to us, hard things. But they are to make us grown. If we stay strong and push through it we will be rewarded and blessed for our struggles. Thank for the lesson...
I realize that she hasn't always made the best choices, but you see this girl is my kind of hero. Through all of the trials in her life she hasn't given up. She hasn't even ever thought about it. She just keeps on fighting and trying to do her best to make things right. The thing I think that is so great about her is she hasn't ever lost the Church. She has never let go of what she knows to be the truth. Even those times when her faith wavered she clung to it doing her best to make sure it was still there. She has fought her hardest to make things right with the Lord and making the Temple a goal in her life. Even know that she is closer to Him than ever and things are falling apart all around her she hasn't blamed Him. Getting back to heaven is her number one goal. Things might be hard, but she knows that because of Him she can get through it. Not once has she asked why me. She has truly put her life on hold to make sure those she cares about are happy. She is so strong, it really is amazing to me. If I was in her position I don't know if I could do it. If I could have so much faith and love for my Savior and for others.
She is great and good and deserves so much in her life. I know that one day she will get all that she deserves. That she will get through these trials and be rewarded for her diligence. I don't think she knows, but she really is a great example to me. I want to have that kind of faith. Where no matter what gets thrown at me in life or in the mission field I don't doubt. Instead I trust in Him more and grow closer to Him. Bad things are going to happen to us, hard things. But they are to make us grown. If we stay strong and push through it we will be rewarded and blessed for our struggles. Thank for the lesson...
Can We Fix It?
Deep thought number two! (I warned you!!!) Before I get into my thought I just wanted you all to know I am writing while sitting in the top bunk of a bunk bed...be jealous. Also I wore a skirt all day today to help ease me into the fact that I will be wearing a skirt every day 18 months.... It was very cold thank goodness I am going to Georgia and not anywhere in Idaho! And Idaho wind and skirts definitely don't mix well. Anyway back to my reason for posting...onward ho!
I have a little habit...I love to fix people. I like to go out of my way to find those who are struggling or alone and do all that I can to help them. Most of the time this simply means being their friend and being there for them when they need it. It has been so awesome over the years watching these people grown and become excellent. There was a time when I refused to believe that it was impossible to fix someone. I thought that through love, patience, and by example you could inspire anyone to change the way they are. Sadly I have learned that this isn't always the case. I can't have someone do something or act differently for me. They aren't really changing that way. They are simply trying to make me happy instead of doing it for themselves. I have also come to realize that them deciding to do it for themselves is the make or break it element. If they don't want to they won't. Sometimes they aren't going to desire the same things you want for them. And it isn't your fault. There wasn't anything you could have done differently. Sometimes you have to let them make their own choices and pray that one day they will come around.
I know that when we are on our missions we will encounter people like this. There will be investigators or simply people that you meet that you want to accept the gospel so badly. But they don't want it or they aren't quite ready yet. I think this feeling of disappointment and sadness will be one of the hardest parts of our mission. We can't let that get us down though. One day given the right time and circumstances they will come to know for themselves. We can't force it on them. All we can do is love them and let them know that no matter what they chose we will be there for them.
I have a little habit...I love to fix people. I like to go out of my way to find those who are struggling or alone and do all that I can to help them. Most of the time this simply means being their friend and being there for them when they need it. It has been so awesome over the years watching these people grown and become excellent. There was a time when I refused to believe that it was impossible to fix someone. I thought that through love, patience, and by example you could inspire anyone to change the way they are. Sadly I have learned that this isn't always the case. I can't have someone do something or act differently for me. They aren't really changing that way. They are simply trying to make me happy instead of doing it for themselves. I have also come to realize that them deciding to do it for themselves is the make or break it element. If they don't want to they won't. Sometimes they aren't going to desire the same things you want for them. And it isn't your fault. There wasn't anything you could have done differently. Sometimes you have to let them make their own choices and pray that one day they will come around.
I know that when we are on our missions we will encounter people like this. There will be investigators or simply people that you meet that you want to accept the gospel so badly. But they don't want it or they aren't quite ready yet. I think this feeling of disappointment and sadness will be one of the hardest parts of our mission. We can't let that get us down though. One day given the right time and circumstances they will come to know for themselves. We can't force it on them. All we can do is love them and let them know that no matter what they chose we will be there for them.
Too Legit to Quit
Oh man. Prepare yourselves. There is a lot of late night deep thought vomit spinning around in my head. (so much for going to bed at ten thirty) (oh well baby steps, baby steps) (don't judge me for today though I had a good reason for being awake) Wow. Sometimes those little comments in the() make me really happy. Deep thought of the night number one...I am legit therefore I can not quit...anything.
I work with special needs kids and it is awesome! My bosses are also pretty awesome and to help me make more money and help me get ready for my mission they got me extra hours two days a week working at the adult center. So on Wednesday I went to my first day...oh boy. It was very intense and pretty much I didn't want to work there. I just didn't want to do it and was having a this is hard and I hate it moment. As much as I hated it I was torn. I didn't want to work there, but the money would be so nice. So what better way to solve my problem then to pray about it!
Sometimes I really hate the answer to my prayers. The Lord knows what He is doing and He knows me. He realizes that occasionally I don't like the answers I get so then He explains to me sometimes why it is what it is. Today as I was thinking about my work situation He did just that. He brought a very good point to my attention. Am I really going to quit something just because it's hard? No. Who does that!? Not I. And am I really going to stop because I don't like it. It's work, it's money I am so lucky to find a place that will hire me for two months and go out of their way to get me hours. Why am I complaining? And if I quit this because it's hard isn't that just setting up a pattern for later in life. There are going to be things in life, especially on my mission that are hard. I am not going to want to do some things, but that doesn't mean I should quiet. No. It is time to buck up buttercup! Get the job done. Because the way I am living now and the choices I make are shaping my forever. It's time to start making some that will make my future that much easier.
I work with special needs kids and it is awesome! My bosses are also pretty awesome and to help me make more money and help me get ready for my mission they got me extra hours two days a week working at the adult center. So on Wednesday I went to my first day...oh boy. It was very intense and pretty much I didn't want to work there. I just didn't want to do it and was having a this is hard and I hate it moment. As much as I hated it I was torn. I didn't want to work there, but the money would be so nice. So what better way to solve my problem then to pray about it!
Sometimes I really hate the answer to my prayers. The Lord knows what He is doing and He knows me. He realizes that occasionally I don't like the answers I get so then He explains to me sometimes why it is what it is. Today as I was thinking about my work situation He did just that. He brought a very good point to my attention. Am I really going to quit something just because it's hard? No. Who does that!? Not I. And am I really going to stop because I don't like it. It's work, it's money I am so lucky to find a place that will hire me for two months and go out of their way to get me hours. Why am I complaining? And if I quit this because it's hard isn't that just setting up a pattern for later in life. There are going to be things in life, especially on my mission that are hard. I am not going to want to do some things, but that doesn't mean I should quiet. No. It is time to buck up buttercup! Get the job done. Because the way I am living now and the choices I make are shaping my forever. It's time to start making some that will make my future that much easier.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
In Everything we See
Last thought of deepness for the night. (Honestly I probably have five billion more, but work killed me and I'm sleepy and you probably don't want to know all of them) (so I will spare you...be grateful!) This is a really good one. How do you know? Because I saved the Georgia font for it of course! The best font for the best thoughts! This one is even directly related to the gospel.
Like I have mentioned before I have been practicing my skills at being able to relate things to the gospel. I have been working pretty hard at this actually because I feel like it will be a very important tool in the mission field. I know that for me personally when I am struggling with learning a new principal it is easier if it is explained to me in a way that I understand. Which is the very purpose for relating the gospel to other things. Normally when I do this I have to consciously work to pick a topic and find a way to relate it to the gospel. But today something great happened! I didn't have to try. When I was doing things today or watching things I found myself find a way to tie it all in with the Church! So great!
The purpose for this blog isn't to brag about my new found gospel relation skills. It is about what I learned from that. If we are in the right mind set and are doing all we can to be close to the gospel it is so easy to see it everywhere we look. Part of being a missionary is that this gospel becomes everything in our lives. It dominates our conversation and our time and will eventually take over our thoughts. Once this starts to happen you can look at the world and see the Lord's hand in all things. Even if it is something sad you find a way that it relates to the things that we are taught.
The key to this activity is mentally and spiritually preparing ourselves for it. It isn't going to come easy to us if we don't practice. I have literally been practicing this since the beginning of the semester and it is just starting to click. But just because it is hard doesn't mean we shouldn't try. Once it all clicks it is worth it. It is amazing to have your random thoughts start to be about the gospel instead of what you're going to eat for dinner and who the cutest boy in your class is. We are old enough and in a place in our lives where it is time for those thoughts to go. When you start to live the gospel, breathe the gospel, and think the gospel the rest of your life starts to fall in to place. You are so much happier and feel a kind of peace that isn't felt any other way. I encourage you to try it. To catch yourself thinking about other things and replace it with a thought about the gospel. Or picking out different topics in the world to relate back to the gospel and one of its principles. I testify that when you start to do that things make sense and life is good.
Like I have mentioned before I have been practicing my skills at being able to relate things to the gospel. I have been working pretty hard at this actually because I feel like it will be a very important tool in the mission field. I know that for me personally when I am struggling with learning a new principal it is easier if it is explained to me in a way that I understand. Which is the very purpose for relating the gospel to other things. Normally when I do this I have to consciously work to pick a topic and find a way to relate it to the gospel. But today something great happened! I didn't have to try. When I was doing things today or watching things I found myself find a way to tie it all in with the Church! So great!
The purpose for this blog isn't to brag about my new found gospel relation skills. It is about what I learned from that. If we are in the right mind set and are doing all we can to be close to the gospel it is so easy to see it everywhere we look. Part of being a missionary is that this gospel becomes everything in our lives. It dominates our conversation and our time and will eventually take over our thoughts. Once this starts to happen you can look at the world and see the Lord's hand in all things. Even if it is something sad you find a way that it relates to the things that we are taught.
The key to this activity is mentally and spiritually preparing ourselves for it. It isn't going to come easy to us if we don't practice. I have literally been practicing this since the beginning of the semester and it is just starting to click. But just because it is hard doesn't mean we shouldn't try. Once it all clicks it is worth it. It is amazing to have your random thoughts start to be about the gospel instead of what you're going to eat for dinner and who the cutest boy in your class is. We are old enough and in a place in our lives where it is time for those thoughts to go. When you start to live the gospel, breathe the gospel, and think the gospel the rest of your life starts to fall in to place. You are so much happier and feel a kind of peace that isn't felt any other way. I encourage you to try it. To catch yourself thinking about other things and replace it with a thought about the gospel. Or picking out different topics in the world to relate back to the gospel and one of its principles. I testify that when you start to do that things make sense and life is good.
My Kind of Happiness
Ah! It is so late, why am I awake? Oh right it was New Years, huzzah 2013!! I should be asleep though...actually I'm even in bed. But you see here's the problem this is when my mind starts to think deeply instead of sleep. Hopefully by releasing my deep thoughts I can sleep. Also here is a warning although this is a deep post I have yet to think of a way to relate it to missionary work...so there is a chance that I won't have thought of a way by the end of it. So...awkward as that is enjoy it.
With the passing of the old year and the coming of the new year I have been pondering. Not just because it's a new year, but I have gone through quite a few changes recently. During these pondering sessions I have played many memories in my head. Memories of high school, college, memories with friends and family. In these memories I have realized I am crazy. I participate in crazy activities and I take perfectly normal people and convince them to join my craziness. Or I find other crazies and we make more craziness. Not only am I crazy I'm weird. Really though. I enjoy coloring giant coloring books, collecting fortune cookie fortunes, playing bop-it, building forts, shoving as many grapes as I possibly can in my mouth, blowing up gingerbread houses, and so many more crazily weird activities that you can't even imagine it.
As I was reflecting upon these memories and activities I realized something. They are weird and occasionally dangerous, but it all makes me happy. Being weird and doing crazy things that sometimes draw attention to myself in a negative way are things that make me enjoy life. I may not be the proper age appropriate girl that others are. I may stay up to late and sleep too much, but I love every moment of it. The last couple of years I can look back and honestly say I wouldn't change anything. How many people can say that? I know there was a time when I couldn't. But once I started to forget about what people thought and the things I was supposed to do I started to enjoy myself. I started to enjoy life. People may judge me for the things I do, but it doesn't matter. It's my life not theirs. I'm just being happy.
It may not be the life and the path that I planned, but it's one that I enjoy. Isn't that why we're here? Men are that they may have joy. I think as long as you are living righteously and doing the things you should be the rest of it doesn't matter. So what if bunnies make me happy? Who cares if I love FFA? You shouldn't care either. Stop worrying about the world and do those things that make you happy. Those not so normal activities that bring a little bit of light to your day. The spur of a moment un-planned acts that make the best memories. Live your life. Enjoy the opportunities that you encounter some of them you won't ever have again. Live a life worth remembering, one without regrets. So that when this time comes next year you can look back and smile.
(Here it comes I just thought of a way to tie this whole idea in with the mission themed blog) (Huzzah!) There are going to be people in the world who judge us for our decision to serve missions. Both people in the Church and out of it. And both people before our missions and after. The thing I think these people are missing is that serving the Lord and giving up time in our lives is a happy thing. Sure we may miss out on some things, but nothing that we can't catch up on. This work is a work of joy. We are going to give people a gift and watch it change their lives. We are the happy messengers of a happy gospel. I honestly can't think of anything that would make me happier than being worthy to serve a mission and having the opportunity to do so. Serve with a happy attitude and you will find the kind of happiness only serving others and the gospel will bring.
Also I know this is an ad for a car but watch it anyway. It's really good and helps to illustrate just how boring normal is.
Being Normal
With the passing of the old year and the coming of the new year I have been pondering. Not just because it's a new year, but I have gone through quite a few changes recently. During these pondering sessions I have played many memories in my head. Memories of high school, college, memories with friends and family. In these memories I have realized I am crazy. I participate in crazy activities and I take perfectly normal people and convince them to join my craziness. Or I find other crazies and we make more craziness. Not only am I crazy I'm weird. Really though. I enjoy coloring giant coloring books, collecting fortune cookie fortunes, playing bop-it, building forts, shoving as many grapes as I possibly can in my mouth, blowing up gingerbread houses, and so many more crazily weird activities that you can't even imagine it.
As I was reflecting upon these memories and activities I realized something. They are weird and occasionally dangerous, but it all makes me happy. Being weird and doing crazy things that sometimes draw attention to myself in a negative way are things that make me enjoy life. I may not be the proper age appropriate girl that others are. I may stay up to late and sleep too much, but I love every moment of it. The last couple of years I can look back and honestly say I wouldn't change anything. How many people can say that? I know there was a time when I couldn't. But once I started to forget about what people thought and the things I was supposed to do I started to enjoy myself. I started to enjoy life. People may judge me for the things I do, but it doesn't matter. It's my life not theirs. I'm just being happy.
It may not be the life and the path that I planned, but it's one that I enjoy. Isn't that why we're here? Men are that they may have joy. I think as long as you are living righteously and doing the things you should be the rest of it doesn't matter. So what if bunnies make me happy? Who cares if I love FFA? You shouldn't care either. Stop worrying about the world and do those things that make you happy. Those not so normal activities that bring a little bit of light to your day. The spur of a moment un-planned acts that make the best memories. Live your life. Enjoy the opportunities that you encounter some of them you won't ever have again. Live a life worth remembering, one without regrets. So that when this time comes next year you can look back and smile.
(Here it comes I just thought of a way to tie this whole idea in with the mission themed blog) (Huzzah!) There are going to be people in the world who judge us for our decision to serve missions. Both people in the Church and out of it. And both people before our missions and after. The thing I think these people are missing is that serving the Lord and giving up time in our lives is a happy thing. Sure we may miss out on some things, but nothing that we can't catch up on. This work is a work of joy. We are going to give people a gift and watch it change their lives. We are the happy messengers of a happy gospel. I honestly can't think of anything that would make me happier than being worthy to serve a mission and having the opportunity to do so. Serve with a happy attitude and you will find the kind of happiness only serving others and the gospel will bring.
Also I know this is an ad for a car but watch it anyway. It's really good and helps to illustrate just how boring normal is.
Being Normal
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