Just a warning this is going to be a pretty long one. I opened my mission call today! I'm going to serve in the Atlanta Georgia North mission and will be leaving March 6th! It still doesn't feel real typing that. It's so crazy and exciting. Honestly though it hasn't really hit me yet that it is all real. I mean for the last two years I have been waiting for this moment. Waiting to get my call and finally know where I would be serving. I have to admit that after reading where I was going I was a little scared and sad inside. Not because of where I was going, but because that part is all over. Now it's time to really get ready to leave. But that only lasted for a minute I am now completely taken over by excitement!!! It's really happening I know where and when I'm going...so crazy!
Man there is nothing that comes close to opening a mission call. I can't even describe the feeling. I have never shaken that badly in my life. Cade missed that part on the video, but if you don't believe me just ask Jacob he got quite the kick out of it. I had planned on reading it slowly for dramatic effect...that did not work out. Once I opened it I could barely keep it together so I had no choice but to read it as fast as I possibly could. The emotions that you feel as you read that letter are so crazy! I have never been that close to crying without actually crying. It was literally like the time I cried about pickles times 10! Hayley and Chaia will tell you that is quite intense.
I had always known that I wasn't going to leave the United States and honestly I wasn't disappointed with Georgia at all. I know I wanted to go to a Church history mission, but as soon as I read where I was going I knew that was the place I was supposed to go to. Georgia needs me and I need Georgia....plus my accent is going to be sick. I have been to the South before and I love it down there. Football, farms, great food what's not to like! If I get a couple of rocks, Bibles or alligators thrown at me whatev. I know that this is from God. He has a plan for me and serving in Georgia is a part of that plan. There are just so many little details about this call that let me know that this is where I'm supposed to be. I know that without a doubt. It may not be Paris or Florence, but it is where I will do the best work for my Savior.
I also know that it doesn't end her. Just because I have my call doesn't mean I get to take a break from getting ready. I need to prepare even harder and work even harder so the spirit will stay with me. As soon as I put that letter down and I had a minute to myself it wasn't just the peace from the spirit I could feel. Satan and his mind games were at work almost immediately. But I was ready. If you keep the commandments read the scriptures and know why you're doing what you're doing no matter how scary or crazy things get he can't win. The Spirit is with you and will help you come out on top every time. That's right the spirit will help me even when the giant water bugs of Georgia are flying at my face...
There is one very important lesson I learned from opening my call today that I hadn't planned on. I mean I knew that the spirit would strengthen me, that this was His plan for me, and that Satan is a tricky little man, but I hadn't planned on something else. I didn't realize how much it would mean to me to have my friends and family there. There wasn't a huge crowd of twenty people and I forgot to take pictures, but they were there. My parents were both right there with me even though I know it's killing them inside that I'm leaving for so long. They've always supported me in the things I've chosen to do and they haven't stopped. Kyle and Cade the crazy dynamic duo were there cracking jokes and documenting the whole thing. What would opening my call me like without their background noise? My aunts and cousins were on the computer dropping everything just so they could watch me open an envelope. And I know that no matter where I got called they would be excited for me and help me in any way that I need it. I didn't have a crowd of friends, but the ones that mattered where there. Whether it was in person or brady bunch style on my lap top they were there. They dropped their Saturday plans to show me that they cared and it meant a lot. It helped me to remember and see that after 18 months their will be people at home who care about me.
Missions are great. Being a missionary is great. Being Sister Davie who is going to serve in Atlanta Georgia is great. Life is great. The Church is great. You're great. Yes I'm talking to you my four followers who read this.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Friday, November 23, 2012
Live in the Now.
My cousins are here and are crashing in my bed. So I stole Kyle's bed, which is my old room. I moved out of this bedroom when I was a freshman in highschool...it really seems like yesterday. I've been out of high school for two years. Isn't that crazy? It seems likes only yesterday I was walking through the doors of that school counting down the days until I would be a big bad senior. And when that day finally came I couldn't wait to graduate and leave it all behind me. And now here I am two years later wondering where the time went. Times flies, especially when you're enjoying life. Every year it seems like things go faster and faster. I can't believe that the semester is almost over. Last year it seemed so much longer. To be honest I wish it was. There are so many more adventures to go on, but we have eternity for that.
My call is supposed to come tomorrow I've known this since last Sunday. I have spent the whole week counting down the days until it will get here. I also have been counting the days I have left at home and the days I have left at school. I think it is just natural for us to do this. You can't down the days you have until an assignment is due or until your favorite show comes on. I think it's just a human thing that everyone does, but why? It doesn't make things come faster or go slower and yet we can't stop. I think though that you need to try. Don't get so excited and caught up in your leaving that you forget to enjoy the way things are now. A mission is going to be fantastic! But that doesn't mean I need to spend so much time now wishing I was gone that I don't enjoy things. I can still prepare and be excited for a mission without forgetting about the present. It's time to get rid of the countdowns and the paper chains. It's time to live in the moment and be grateful for the way things are today.
My call is supposed to come tomorrow I've known this since last Sunday. I have spent the whole week counting down the days until it will get here. I also have been counting the days I have left at home and the days I have left at school. I think it is just natural for us to do this. You can't down the days you have until an assignment is due or until your favorite show comes on. I think it's just a human thing that everyone does, but why? It doesn't make things come faster or go slower and yet we can't stop. I think though that you need to try. Don't get so excited and caught up in your leaving that you forget to enjoy the way things are now. A mission is going to be fantastic! But that doesn't mean I need to spend so much time now wishing I was gone that I don't enjoy things. I can still prepare and be excited for a mission without forgetting about the present. It's time to get rid of the countdowns and the paper chains. It's time to live in the moment and be grateful for the way things are today.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Walk a Mile.
Alrighty so this post might not seem to missionary related, but I promise I have a way that it ties in. It's not so much something that necessarily will help you get ready for a mission, but I think that it's an important principle to remember while on your mission. And actually to remember and apply into your every day life.
I'm sure you've all heard the saying walk a mile in their shoes. This is supposed to help you remember that you don't know what is happening in another person's life. You don't know why they do the things they do and you don't know what's happened to them. There may be times when there is a person in your life and you just don't understand them. But don't judge too quickly. You have no idea what's happening in their head. You don't know what's happening to them at home. And chances are you will never know. This is when you need to love them and forgive them for the things they do. Chances are things are not going so great for them.
I've found that it is often the people who seem the strongest that are hurting inside. These people just find a way to deal with it and block it out. I know that sometimes I don't understand why other people cry, why don't they hide it like I do? It's not that hard. Right? The truth is I'm not them. I don't know what's happening to them and maybe they've finally had enough and are slowly breaking down. It's also true that not everyone is as strong as you. People are built with different stuff. I don't know what makes me the way I am and if I don't know that about myself there is no way I'm going to know that about another person.
There are going to be people on our missions who hurt and disappoint us. They are going to make promises and schedule appointments that they don't keep. And before we get mad we need to realize we don't know what made them act that way. It might seem like they are just flaky or don't care and sometimes that might be in the case, but I really think that there is more going on. We aren't ever going to know what that is. If they're as good as I am at hiding things no one will ever know. We need to accept them, love them anyway and simply let them know that we're here if they need it. You might not ever find out what's haunting them, but there is always a chance that they will break one day and when they do they'll remember you. Be worth remembering.
We are the Lord's tools on Earth. He uses us to find those who are in need. He uses us to make others feel loved and to answer their prayers. Be listening and ready to act on that spiritual guidance when the Holy Ghost calls on you. You never know what kind of a difference you can make. Sometimes He is the only one who knows what's going on and we must trust in Him for it to be sorted out.
I'm sure you've all heard the saying walk a mile in their shoes. This is supposed to help you remember that you don't know what is happening in another person's life. You don't know why they do the things they do and you don't know what's happened to them. There may be times when there is a person in your life and you just don't understand them. But don't judge too quickly. You have no idea what's happening in their head. You don't know what's happening to them at home. And chances are you will never know. This is when you need to love them and forgive them for the things they do. Chances are things are not going so great for them.
I've found that it is often the people who seem the strongest that are hurting inside. These people just find a way to deal with it and block it out. I know that sometimes I don't understand why other people cry, why don't they hide it like I do? It's not that hard. Right? The truth is I'm not them. I don't know what's happening to them and maybe they've finally had enough and are slowly breaking down. It's also true that not everyone is as strong as you. People are built with different stuff. I don't know what makes me the way I am and if I don't know that about myself there is no way I'm going to know that about another person.
There are going to be people on our missions who hurt and disappoint us. They are going to make promises and schedule appointments that they don't keep. And before we get mad we need to realize we don't know what made them act that way. It might seem like they are just flaky or don't care and sometimes that might be in the case, but I really think that there is more going on. We aren't ever going to know what that is. If they're as good as I am at hiding things no one will ever know. We need to accept them, love them anyway and simply let them know that we're here if they need it. You might not ever find out what's haunting them, but there is always a chance that they will break one day and when they do they'll remember you. Be worth remembering.
We are the Lord's tools on Earth. He uses us to find those who are in need. He uses us to make others feel loved and to answer their prayers. Be listening and ready to act on that spiritual guidance when the Holy Ghost calls on you. You never know what kind of a difference you can make. Sometimes He is the only one who knows what's going on and we must trust in Him for it to be sorted out.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Flip the Switch.
My call is on the way and me actually leaving is getting closer and closer. And to be totally honest I bounce around from pure excitement, to cool and confident, and to totally terrified. Every so often I will think that maybe this isn't the right thing, that I shouldn't leave after all. I love my family I love the life I have now do I really want to leave it for 18 months? Things aren't going to be the same when I get back. I won't be the same, my brothers won't be the same. What am I doing? I'm going to miss so much of my brothers lives and just miss my family. Who knows how many of my friends will get married and have kids. Who am I going to live with when I come home? These questions and many others are constantly racing through the back of my mind...
Even though these thoughts and worries are very real and I think that leaving will always be scary there are things that comfort me. I remember when I graduated from high school and left to go to college I though my life was over. I was leaving everyone I knew and moving two and half hours away from my family. What was I supposed to do without everyone and everything I knew? Once I let go of these fears and let myself move on I had a great time. College was great and I adjusted to this new way of life.
I remember the first time I came home from school. I thought it was going to be so weird. Everyone's life at home had kept going while I was at school they didn't just sit around and wait for me to come back. But these fears were all for nothing. My family was waiting for me with open arms. It wasn't weird. Sure I had missed out on things, but after a couple of hours of catching up it was like I never left. Things with friends were of course a little different. My relationships with some faded and with others grew stronger. Those who were going to be in my life forever were there and things worked with them as well. Things with both family and friends wasn't the same as before I went to school, but it wasn't a bad different. No matter how long I had been away they still loved me and I could always come home and pick up where we left off.
It's like flipping a switch. There is the side that is the way things are at college and then there is a side that is the way things are at home. I'm still the same person with a few minor changes, but where ever I go all I have to do is flip the switch and it is like nothings changed. I still remember the things from where ever I was last and don't erase my past, but I can always flip that switch and adjust to the life I'm currently living in. All I need to do with the mission is add another switch. I know that I will adjust to the life of a missionary and that when I come home I can flip that switch and be home as well. I know that not only can I flip the switch, but I will enjoy my time in the mission field as well. I also know that when we put the Savior and His work first the rest of our life will work out. Everything will be fine and He will take care of us. He will be with not only me, but my family as well. This work isn't about me and yet He will still watch over me. Missions are a great thing and I'm so excited for mine. It is normal to have doubts we just need to remember that His spirit will be there to guide us and that it will all work out in the end. I'm leaving my family for 18 months so that others can be with their family for eternity. And I mean that and I testify that it is true.
Even though these thoughts and worries are very real and I think that leaving will always be scary there are things that comfort me. I remember when I graduated from high school and left to go to college I though my life was over. I was leaving everyone I knew and moving two and half hours away from my family. What was I supposed to do without everyone and everything I knew? Once I let go of these fears and let myself move on I had a great time. College was great and I adjusted to this new way of life.
I remember the first time I came home from school. I thought it was going to be so weird. Everyone's life at home had kept going while I was at school they didn't just sit around and wait for me to come back. But these fears were all for nothing. My family was waiting for me with open arms. It wasn't weird. Sure I had missed out on things, but after a couple of hours of catching up it was like I never left. Things with friends were of course a little different. My relationships with some faded and with others grew stronger. Those who were going to be in my life forever were there and things worked with them as well. Things with both family and friends wasn't the same as before I went to school, but it wasn't a bad different. No matter how long I had been away they still loved me and I could always come home and pick up where we left off.
It's like flipping a switch. There is the side that is the way things are at college and then there is a side that is the way things are at home. I'm still the same person with a few minor changes, but where ever I go all I have to do is flip the switch and it is like nothings changed. I still remember the things from where ever I was last and don't erase my past, but I can always flip that switch and adjust to the life I'm currently living in. All I need to do with the mission is add another switch. I know that I will adjust to the life of a missionary and that when I come home I can flip that switch and be home as well. I know that not only can I flip the switch, but I will enjoy my time in the mission field as well. I also know that when we put the Savior and His work first the rest of our life will work out. Everything will be fine and He will take care of us. He will be with not only me, but my family as well. This work isn't about me and yet He will still watch over me. Missions are a great thing and I'm so excited for mine. It is normal to have doubts we just need to remember that His spirit will be there to guide us and that it will all work out in the end. I'm leaving my family for 18 months so that others can be with their family for eternity. And I mean that and I testify that it is true.
Friday, November 16, 2012
All American Girl?
From my meeting with both the Bishop and the Stake President I noticed something, which lead to an interesting lesson.
In my meetings with both of them they would ask me questions to try and get to know me better. They also tried really hard to build my self-esteem and kept saying really nice things about me that I had never thought about myself before. I have never really taken compliments very well. I just don't know what to do when someone compliments me. So when they would tell me things about how awesome I was or how nice I honestly just didn't know what to do. They would make statements about me that I didn't know how to respond to. I thought it was weird that they would build me up this way. And I had a super hard time finding something good to say about myself it just seemed like a prideful activity.
When I came home from my meetings I was still weirded out. The Stake President had told me I was the All American girl...what does that even mean? But after reflecting on what happened in not one of my meetings, but both I think I understand.
For the majority of our lives people around us are tearing us down. I have noticed that one of the ways that Satan especially tries to bring me down is by pointing out all of my imperfections and flaws. He is constantly telling me that I'm not good enough. I know that our Savior and Heavenly Father think the exact opposite of that. They loves us more than anything and are always looking for the good in us. I know that lots of the time they wish we could see what they see in us. I think that they use others like the Bishop and Stake President to try and get us to see ourselves the way they do. I'm not saying I'm perfect or that anyone is, but we are greater than we think we are. There is good in us and about us that we often forget. I think that the Bishop and Stake President were merely trying to make me stronger and help me to see and feel my Saviors love for me.
I still might not understand what an All American girl is, but I will take that as a compliment and be proud of it. I will embrace the good in myself and strive to be better.
In my meetings with both of them they would ask me questions to try and get to know me better. They also tried really hard to build my self-esteem and kept saying really nice things about me that I had never thought about myself before. I have never really taken compliments very well. I just don't know what to do when someone compliments me. So when they would tell me things about how awesome I was or how nice I honestly just didn't know what to do. They would make statements about me that I didn't know how to respond to. I thought it was weird that they would build me up this way. And I had a super hard time finding something good to say about myself it just seemed like a prideful activity.
When I came home from my meetings I was still weirded out. The Stake President had told me I was the All American girl...what does that even mean? But after reflecting on what happened in not one of my meetings, but both I think I understand.
For the majority of our lives people around us are tearing us down. I have noticed that one of the ways that Satan especially tries to bring me down is by pointing out all of my imperfections and flaws. He is constantly telling me that I'm not good enough. I know that our Savior and Heavenly Father think the exact opposite of that. They loves us more than anything and are always looking for the good in us. I know that lots of the time they wish we could see what they see in us. I think that they use others like the Bishop and Stake President to try and get us to see ourselves the way they do. I'm not saying I'm perfect or that anyone is, but we are greater than we think we are. There is good in us and about us that we often forget. I think that the Bishop and Stake President were merely trying to make me stronger and help me to see and feel my Saviors love for me.
I still might not understand what an All American girl is, but I will take that as a compliment and be proud of it. I will embrace the good in myself and strive to be better.
Waiting for the Call
It's official my papers are in! Had my meeting with the Stake President and everything so it is official. This is the only kind of official that is more legit than being Facebook official. Now all that is left is the waiting...oh the waiting. This just might be the longest two weeks of my life. Just for saying that is going to take longer to get here. Patience is a virtue....
Anyway I just wanted to chat about my experience with the Stake President a little bit, cause not gonna lie it was pretty intense. Last Sunday in my meeting with my Bishop he told me that by the end of the whole interview process I should no longer feel nervous, but just excited and most importantly I should feel worthy. I didn't think this advice was that big of a deal. I had never really thought that I wasn't worthy to go on a mission so I didn't understand how I would feel more worthy, but then I had my interview.
The interview was really cool. The Stake President was super nice and I didn't feel uncomfortable. He would read a scripture and ask me to bare my testimony about a principal or topic. At first I was nervous and was sure if I could do it on the stop. But once I started talking and let my words be guided by the spirit I could talk about anything and for a long time. The way I felt as I testified of the things that I knew was amazing and not something I can put into words. It was also neat because I could tell that the interview was just for me. The questions he was asking and the things we were discussing were very personalized and I knew that they were things that I need to think about.
I will never forget the way I felt after that meeting. I knew with a surety and a kind of peace that I had never felt before that I was doing the right thing. Not only did I know that I was worthy to go on a mission, but I knew that it was something that I needed to do. The Lord wants me to go on a mission and He has a work that I need to do. And all those nerves and worries that had been tugging at my mind just went away. Even now days after when things start to get a little crazy there is a new kind of peace and strength in me that I have never felt before. It just seems like I can do anything because I know He is there with me. I'm at a place where I am ready and worthy to preach His gospel and I know that nothing can get in my way if I just in Him.
I also know that from here on out things are just going to get harder. My friends that are on missions now have told me that the hardest part is after you get your call. They said the temptations just crashes around you. As much as I believe them and as intimidating as that is I know that I can do it. Not alone of course, but through the strength and power of my Savior. In Philippians on page 1462 it says that "I can do all things through Christ which strengthenth me." I know now more than ever that, that statement is true. As long as I keep His commandments and trust in Him everything will be okay.
Anyway I just wanted to chat about my experience with the Stake President a little bit, cause not gonna lie it was pretty intense. Last Sunday in my meeting with my Bishop he told me that by the end of the whole interview process I should no longer feel nervous, but just excited and most importantly I should feel worthy. I didn't think this advice was that big of a deal. I had never really thought that I wasn't worthy to go on a mission so I didn't understand how I would feel more worthy, but then I had my interview.
The interview was really cool. The Stake President was super nice and I didn't feel uncomfortable. He would read a scripture and ask me to bare my testimony about a principal or topic. At first I was nervous and was sure if I could do it on the stop. But once I started talking and let my words be guided by the spirit I could talk about anything and for a long time. The way I felt as I testified of the things that I knew was amazing and not something I can put into words. It was also neat because I could tell that the interview was just for me. The questions he was asking and the things we were discussing were very personalized and I knew that they were things that I need to think about.
I will never forget the way I felt after that meeting. I knew with a surety and a kind of peace that I had never felt before that I was doing the right thing. Not only did I know that I was worthy to go on a mission, but I knew that it was something that I needed to do. The Lord wants me to go on a mission and He has a work that I need to do. And all those nerves and worries that had been tugging at my mind just went away. Even now days after when things start to get a little crazy there is a new kind of peace and strength in me that I have never felt before. It just seems like I can do anything because I know He is there with me. I'm at a place where I am ready and worthy to preach His gospel and I know that nothing can get in my way if I just in Him.
I also know that from here on out things are just going to get harder. My friends that are on missions now have told me that the hardest part is after you get your call. They said the temptations just crashes around you. As much as I believe them and as intimidating as that is I know that I can do it. Not alone of course, but through the strength and power of my Savior. In Philippians on page 1462 it says that "I can do all things through Christ which strengthenth me." I know now more than ever that, that statement is true. As long as I keep His commandments and trust in Him everything will be okay.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
This isn't About Me
People all around me are turning in their mission papers. So cool, so cool, right? Yes, yes it should be, but once again that dumb voice in the back of my head. I can't help but be a tiny bit jealous that they're getting their calls already and I'm still pre-mission status. Don't get me wrong I'm super happy for them missions are great. I just really want to go right now, too! And as usual the Lord has read my thoughts and my heart and has an answer for me. I'm being selfish. Pretty much that's it. In the press conference after the announcement during Conference Elder Holland said that it is important to remember that this work isn't about us. It's about spreading the gospel and doing the work the Savior would have us do. Tonight during my scripture readings I found a section that fits my situation quite nicely.
I'm currently reading in the Doctrine and Covenants. Tonight I read section 11. In section 11 the Lord is talking to Hyrum Smith. Hyrum has inquired of the Lord regarding serving a mission. The Lord tells him in verse 15 "Behold, I command you that you need not suppose that you are called to preach until you are called." Hyrum may want to go, which later the Lord says is a righteous desire, but it isn't his time yet. I think that is the same for me. I may want to go right now, but it isn't time yet. In 16 it says "Wait a little longer, until you shall have my word, my rock, my church, and my gospel, that you may know of a surety my doctrine." The end of 19 says "...be patient until you shall accomplish it." Hyrum needed to more fully learn and understand the gospel. How can you teach it if you don't fully understand if yourself? Hyrum and I have something in common. I had to wait almost two years before I could turn my papers in. I'm so thankful for that. I would not be anywhere as prepared as I am now if I didn't have those two years of preparation. This last year with mission prep and studying the scriptures the way I have has brought me closer to the gospel than I've ever been.
D&C 11:21 "Seek not to declare my word but first seek to obtain my word, and then shall your tongue be loosed; then, if you desire, you shall have my Spirit and my word, yea, the power of God unto the convincing of men. You can't teach the gospel unless you have it. Only then will you have His spirit to be with you to help and guide you. My favorite thing He tells Hyrum is in verse 26 & 27, "Therefore, treasure up in your heart until the time which is in my wisdom that you shall go forth. Behold I speak unto all who have good desires, and have thrust in their sickle to reap." It isn't time for me to serve yet and I shouldn't be spending my pre-mission time wishing I was on a mission. Life goes by quickly. The way things won't last forever. Instead of wishing for time to go by quicker I need to appreciate the present and live in it. I should treasure that time. I also like how He says that this guidance isn't just for Hyrum. It is for everyone who wants to go on a mission and spread the gospel. The scriptures aren't just for the Nephites or the Lamanites there for us now. Treasure them and let them guide you.
I'm currently reading in the Doctrine and Covenants. Tonight I read section 11. In section 11 the Lord is talking to Hyrum Smith. Hyrum has inquired of the Lord regarding serving a mission. The Lord tells him in verse 15 "Behold, I command you that you need not suppose that you are called to preach until you are called." Hyrum may want to go, which later the Lord says is a righteous desire, but it isn't his time yet. I think that is the same for me. I may want to go right now, but it isn't time yet. In 16 it says "Wait a little longer, until you shall have my word, my rock, my church, and my gospel, that you may know of a surety my doctrine." The end of 19 says "...be patient until you shall accomplish it." Hyrum needed to more fully learn and understand the gospel. How can you teach it if you don't fully understand if yourself? Hyrum and I have something in common. I had to wait almost two years before I could turn my papers in. I'm so thankful for that. I would not be anywhere as prepared as I am now if I didn't have those two years of preparation. This last year with mission prep and studying the scriptures the way I have has brought me closer to the gospel than I've ever been.
D&C 11:21 "Seek not to declare my word but first seek to obtain my word, and then shall your tongue be loosed; then, if you desire, you shall have my Spirit and my word, yea, the power of God unto the convincing of men. You can't teach the gospel unless you have it. Only then will you have His spirit to be with you to help and guide you. My favorite thing He tells Hyrum is in verse 26 & 27, "Therefore, treasure up in your heart until the time which is in my wisdom that you shall go forth. Behold I speak unto all who have good desires, and have thrust in their sickle to reap." It isn't time for me to serve yet and I shouldn't be spending my pre-mission time wishing I was on a mission. Life goes by quickly. The way things won't last forever. Instead of wishing for time to go by quicker I need to appreciate the present and live in it. I should treasure that time. I also like how He says that this guidance isn't just for Hyrum. It is for everyone who wants to go on a mission and spread the gospel. The scriptures aren't just for the Nephites or the Lamanites there for us now. Treasure them and let them guide you.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Letting Go
This pre-mission thing is pretty tricky. Just when I'm starting to think that I have a handle on the whole thing something will pop up that makes me a tid bit nervous. This weekend I journeyed to the homeland to take care of those dental papers. I've come home before and I've known for a long time that I was going to go on a mission, but there was something different this time. I new feeling was seeping into my heart and my mind tainting everything I did. It was sadness, no not sadness it was bittersweet. A bittersweet feeling. I still want to go on a mission and I know that it is something that I need to do. I also know that it will bless me in a way I can't even imagine, and not just me, but my future and current family as well. With all of this knowledge what was going on? What is this feeling tugging at my heart?
I have been coming home quite a bit lately to take care of this mission thing and even when I'm not home I keep in contact with my family. I talk to them every night, but things are still changing. I was at school for a whole year last year and I didn't feel the way I do now. Last year I felt like I was still apart of everything, a part of my little brothers lives. Those things are starting to slip through my fingers now. Kyle just turned twelve. I missed him getting the priesthood, passing the sacrament for the first time, and his first time going to the temple. I don't know why this hurts, but it does. My whole life I've tried my best to stay involved in both of my brothers lives. To be there for the plays, the choir concerts, the talks, the football games, just everything I know is important to them. I still try even know when I live two and a half hours away, but it's getting harder.
When I came home before I felt like I just slipped back into my old place. After a few minutes of how are you and what have you been up to it's like I never left. It isn't that simple anymore. My parents try I try, but I can see my brothers pulling back. The fact that I'm leaving and will be gone for 18 months looms everywhere. In my empty bedroom, abandoned closet and even in their faces. They know that I'm leaving and it's happening for real. I knew this would happen. We're a close family of course it's going to be hard, but I can't help but feel guilty. What am I doing to them? To my dad, my mom? To Kyle who cries and I haven't even left yet? What if things aren't the same when I get home. I will be missing Cade's whole senior year. He will probably be out on a mission when I get home. It may seem weird, but the part the sums up the whole thing for me is our dog. Cruz is only 8 months old and I know when I get home he will have no idea who I am. What if Kyle's and CAde's memory of me is as easily tainted or lost?
I guess honestly I'm just afraid. I am so blessed to have all that I have. To have the family I do. But as much as I'm afraid there is a simple solution to wash away those fears. This gospel. Families are forever. No matter where I go or for how long I will have them for eternity. These bonds and relationships that I have with them now aren't going to fade away. Because of the blessings of the temple I am sealed to them for time and all eternity. That simple thought wipes away all fears I have. The Lord will bless me and take care of them while I'm away. It also helps to remember that for those 18 months I will leave my family to serve others and try and seal them to their families. I will leave mine for 18 months so others can be with their families for eternity. How great is that?
Missions are hard. If it seems hard now it is just going to get harder, but you don't have to fight along. You have family members, friends, church leaders, and most importantly our Savior. They will all help you all you need to do is ask. It is also important to remember that Satan hates this Church. He will stop at nothing to destroy it and you. One of his most effective ways of getting to us is through self-doubt. Isn't fear just a form of that? I think so. Satan is going to try all kinds of ways to get you to change your mind. He knows us. He was our brother. He knows the right buttons to push. Remember that. He knows what will get to us and he will use that against us. Even more important to remember is the fact that our Savior not only knows us, but loves us. He will comfort us and help us as we strive to do what is right. Hold on to the rod, stay on the straight and narrow. It will all work out in the end.
I have been coming home quite a bit lately to take care of this mission thing and even when I'm not home I keep in contact with my family. I talk to them every night, but things are still changing. I was at school for a whole year last year and I didn't feel the way I do now. Last year I felt like I was still apart of everything, a part of my little brothers lives. Those things are starting to slip through my fingers now. Kyle just turned twelve. I missed him getting the priesthood, passing the sacrament for the first time, and his first time going to the temple. I don't know why this hurts, but it does. My whole life I've tried my best to stay involved in both of my brothers lives. To be there for the plays, the choir concerts, the talks, the football games, just everything I know is important to them. I still try even know when I live two and a half hours away, but it's getting harder.
When I came home before I felt like I just slipped back into my old place. After a few minutes of how are you and what have you been up to it's like I never left. It isn't that simple anymore. My parents try I try, but I can see my brothers pulling back. The fact that I'm leaving and will be gone for 18 months looms everywhere. In my empty bedroom, abandoned closet and even in their faces. They know that I'm leaving and it's happening for real. I knew this would happen. We're a close family of course it's going to be hard, but I can't help but feel guilty. What am I doing to them? To my dad, my mom? To Kyle who cries and I haven't even left yet? What if things aren't the same when I get home. I will be missing Cade's whole senior year. He will probably be out on a mission when I get home. It may seem weird, but the part the sums up the whole thing for me is our dog. Cruz is only 8 months old and I know when I get home he will have no idea who I am. What if Kyle's and CAde's memory of me is as easily tainted or lost?
I guess honestly I'm just afraid. I am so blessed to have all that I have. To have the family I do. But as much as I'm afraid there is a simple solution to wash away those fears. This gospel. Families are forever. No matter where I go or for how long I will have them for eternity. These bonds and relationships that I have with them now aren't going to fade away. Because of the blessings of the temple I am sealed to them for time and all eternity. That simple thought wipes away all fears I have. The Lord will bless me and take care of them while I'm away. It also helps to remember that for those 18 months I will leave my family to serve others and try and seal them to their families. I will leave mine for 18 months so others can be with their families for eternity. How great is that?
Missions are hard. If it seems hard now it is just going to get harder, but you don't have to fight along. You have family members, friends, church leaders, and most importantly our Savior. They will all help you all you need to do is ask. It is also important to remember that Satan hates this Church. He will stop at nothing to destroy it and you. One of his most effective ways of getting to us is through self-doubt. Isn't fear just a form of that? I think so. Satan is going to try all kinds of ways to get you to change your mind. He knows us. He was our brother. He knows the right buttons to push. Remember that. He knows what will get to us and he will use that against us. Even more important to remember is the fact that our Savior not only knows us, but loves us. He will comfort us and help us as we strive to do what is right. Hold on to the rod, stay on the straight and narrow. It will all work out in the end.
The Big Picture
This last October session of Conference an announcement was made that turned the lives of young men and women upside down. For me the fact that Sisters could go on missions at the young age of 19 raced around in my head, over and over. It was so exciting. As I watched Conference the camera panned to the audience to show the faces of the thrilled and shocked young men and women. I turned away from the TV to my friends and watched the little freshman's eyes fill up with tears. Everyone was so excited and so happy. I was too...wasn't I?
I tried to be sincerely happy for all those young women who could suddenly go on a mission and start their papers the next day. I did all that I could so suppress the bitterness that was in the back of my mind and my heart, but I was slowly sinking in it. You see I'm not a young girl of 19 I'm 20 years old and will be 21 in March. Now I realize that 20 isn't old neither is 21. That wasn't my problem. I just couldn't help but think about how things would have been so much better for me if I could have left on a mission when I was 19. I chose this mission pathway when I was 18 and a junior in high school. The next year and a half of my life was dedicated to getting ready for a mission. Even though all of sudden I no longer had to wait I couldn't help but feel like I had lost time by waiting now that the age had been lowered. Thoughts like "If I left when I was 19 I wouldn't miss my brother's senior year" and "I wouldn't have to put off school and mess up loans" kept forcing their way inside my brain. This was such great news for young women and for the Church I just didn't understand why I felt this way.
After days of prayer and scripture study my attitude started to change. By no means did it happen quickly, but it happened. I prayed to the Lord simply asked to have faith. He didn't just give me faith He helped me to understand why things worked out the way they did. If I had left when I was 19 I wouldn't have spent a year and a half at Utah State. So many of the wonderful people that I know wouldn't be in my life. Without the friends and leaders from USU my life would be different. I wouldn't be the person I am today. They have all helped me be who I am and helped shape the Sister missionary I will be. Things don't always make sense or work out in a way that you want them to. Don't get discouraged. There is a reason for everything. It might not make sense now and you might not like it, but one day you will thank Him for it. Have faith in the Lord. He knows what He's doing and He knows your needs better than you do.
I tried to be sincerely happy for all those young women who could suddenly go on a mission and start their papers the next day. I did all that I could so suppress the bitterness that was in the back of my mind and my heart, but I was slowly sinking in it. You see I'm not a young girl of 19 I'm 20 years old and will be 21 in March. Now I realize that 20 isn't old neither is 21. That wasn't my problem. I just couldn't help but think about how things would have been so much better for me if I could have left on a mission when I was 19. I chose this mission pathway when I was 18 and a junior in high school. The next year and a half of my life was dedicated to getting ready for a mission. Even though all of sudden I no longer had to wait I couldn't help but feel like I had lost time by waiting now that the age had been lowered. Thoughts like "If I left when I was 19 I wouldn't miss my brother's senior year" and "I wouldn't have to put off school and mess up loans" kept forcing their way inside my brain. This was such great news for young women and for the Church I just didn't understand why I felt this way.
After days of prayer and scripture study my attitude started to change. By no means did it happen quickly, but it happened. I prayed to the Lord simply asked to have faith. He didn't just give me faith He helped me to understand why things worked out the way they did. If I had left when I was 19 I wouldn't have spent a year and a half at Utah State. So many of the wonderful people that I know wouldn't be in my life. Without the friends and leaders from USU my life would be different. I wouldn't be the person I am today. They have all helped me be who I am and helped shape the Sister missionary I will be. Things don't always make sense or work out in a way that you want them to. Don't get discouraged. There is a reason for everything. It might not make sense now and you might not like it, but one day you will thank Him for it. Have faith in the Lord. He knows what He's doing and He knows your needs better than you do.
mission blog say what?!
Sister Davie. So weird, that's my mom. It's always been my mom and now it's me. Well almost. At this current time I'm in the pre mission stage. How exciting and hard can that be, right? Actually, it's a whole lot of crazy. For some people this pre mission thing might have been easy, but everyone's different. My pre-mission life has been a little intense. It took me a year to decide the mission thing was right for me and another year to prepare. I don't think all girls or even guys need this kind of time, but it was the way things went down for me. And looking back I understand why and am even grateful for it. There is a specific journey for everyone of us. Missions are hard. Going on a mission is hard, working on a mission is hard, and preparing for a mission is hard. But it's not impossible. I know that sometimes the testimony and thoughts of someone like you can help. It can help you find the reasons for what you're doing. I realize that no one may read this, well other than Sam and Hayley, and there is nothing wrong with that. But I really think it wouldn't be so bad to put down why I'm doing what I'm doing. And all the crazy twists and turns my mission journey takes. It could help me I think and who knows maybe even someone else. So that's what this is, a guide, a guide to help you through your journey.
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